government funding should be spent on the science education rather than other subjects to develop a country. to what extent do you agree or disagree?
In many
countries
the Add a comma
countries,
money
that people give to government
will be used for many things to keep the area safe likeAdd an article
the government
,
spending it on keeping the In danger animals in protected areas or helping poor people that lost their Remove the comma
apply
home
in an earthquake, but some people says that Fix the agreement mistake
homes
politican's
should use most of it on teaching students science, we will Correct your spelling
politicians
discussed
Change the verb form
discuss
about
it Remove the preposition
apply
further
in this
essay.
Firstly
, it is very good to use the money
for learning science but not only it can not develop a country alone but also
it needs other conditions except
just learning, educating about new things around us is good and Change preposition
besides
helpfull
but it can not solve the problems that countries have right now Correct your spelling
helpful
instead
, it will solve this problems
in the future.
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
Secondly
, spending money
only on education at this
point will only makes
the Change the verb form
make
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
worst
than it was Correct word choice
worse
becuase
right now Correct your spelling
because
they
are way more Correct pronoun usage
there
seriouse
problems than learning. Correct your spelling
serious
For example
, right now more than 10 countries are in
Change preposition
at
war
and we can find solutions for Add an article
a war
this
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
befor
focusing our main concern on Correct your spelling
before
studing
.
Correct your spelling
studying
To conclude
, we could use the money
in many ways and still study science beside it, although
nobody really knows what is the best answer in this
state but with
studying about it and Change preposition
by
comparision
the Correct your spelling
comparing
informations
maybeChange the wording
information
pieces of information
politican's
would find the best answer.Change noun form
politican
Submitted by behnazahmadi2004 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, making it difficult to understand the progression of your points. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas progress logically throughout the essay. Transitions between points and paragraphs should be smooth and coherent.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are present but are not effectively developed. Make sure your introduction clearly states the topic and your position. The conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your position clearly without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are implied rather than clearly stated, which makes it hard to discern the primary message you are trying to convey. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that states the main idea you are discussing.
task achievement
While you have attempted to respond to the prompt, the response is incomplete and partially addresses the task. The response should fully address all parts of the task and show a clear position throughout the essay. It is also crucial to develop your argument with clear and comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat relevant to the topic but are not comprehensively explored or explained. Try to develop each idea fully and support it with specific, relevant examples that illustrate your point and strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You did not provide specific examples to support your arguments. Including relevant examples from research, studies, or personal experience can greatly enhance the persuasiveness of your essay. Make sure the examples are directly related to the topic and effectively support your viewpoint.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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