IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should write at least 150 words. • You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should write at least 150 words. • You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
#information #heart #attacks #age #gender #usa #summarise #features #comparisons #minutes
The bar chart illustrates how many people are suffering from
heart
 attacks by different
age
 and gender groups per year.
Overall
, it can be seen that the highest number of
patients
 are
men
while
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
women
 who are suffering from
heart
 problems
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been increasing dramatically when they
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 older. When it comes to the
age
 category of 29- 44, it can be noticeable that 123000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
patients
 are
men
while
women
 are exactly 30000.
Additionally
, there are 424000
heart
 attacks recorded in the
age
rage
Correct your spelling
range
show examples
 of 45-64, are
men
.
Furthermore
,
women
patients
 are going to rise rapidly in the
age
 category of 45-64, which
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rose to 136000. Over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
65
year's
Change noun form
years
show examples
 old, there are 440000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
patients
 exposed to
heart
 attacks, are
men
while
 374000 recorded as
women
.
Submitted by Praslah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words heart, age, patients, men, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: