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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart and table below give information about population figures in Japan. Japan’s population: past, present and future trends.

The chart and table below give information about population figures in Japan. Japan’s population: past, present and future trends.
#information #population #figures #japan #japan’s #future #trends
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The bar graph and table illustrate the total
of
Change preposition
apply
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population
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 in the past, present, and future from 1950 to 2055, followed by the number of the elderly.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Japan
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 experienced a gradual rise
of
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in
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 the total
populate
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population
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 in the past,
while
Linking Words
 it is predicted that the figures go down in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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aging
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ageing
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 will go up when there
are
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is
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 less
population
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. In 1950, there were solely 84.1
million
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 citizens
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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lived in
Japan
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 and just under 5% of them
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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old
people
Use synonyms
. Between 1985 and 2005, the society in
Japan
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 slightly climbed before reaching the peak of 127.8 humans in 2005. Linked to
this
Linking Words
 data, the elder
people
Use synonyms
 shared 20% of the
population
Use synonyms
 in that year.
However
Linking Words
, in 2035, it is predicted that there will be a considerable
declined
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decline
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to
Change preposition
in
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 the number of 110
million
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for
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of
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 the total
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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population
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, elderly
people
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 stood at the peak
in
Change preposition
at
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 34% with 37.2
million
Use synonyms
 figures.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the
remain
Change the form of the verb
remaining
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population
Use synonyms
 doubly dip than two decades before which will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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stand at almost 90
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by joyapakpahan on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, japan, million, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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