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Band 4.5

Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think that younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organization #people #leader
It is true that higher positions are
prevantely
Correct your spelling
privately
 held by aged members
inany
Correct your spelling
in any
 organizations these days.
While
 some
people
 believe younger
people
 would demonstrate better leadership, it is
in
Change preposition
apply
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my opinion that senior
mangers posses
Correct your spelling
managers possess
show examples
 more advantages over the young in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leading a company.
To begin
 with, it is usually difficult for the young to compete with the old in terms of experience. Those who have gained adequate experience can more effectively manage to lead the individuals of an organization than those who do not. The reason for
this
 is that business matters often
requires
Change the verb form
require
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 the
people
 in charge to have not only the knowledge of coping with problematic situations but
also
 strong nerves to calmly find a feasible solution.
As a result
, years of experience in a relevant position tend to make the elderly better candidates than those who are relatively young and new to the tasks. Another advantage
belonging
Change preposition
of belonging
show examples
 to aged
people
 is that they are likely to receive more support from the
people
 in an organization. As the time spent working with the staff of the senior is often longer, they can understand their colleagues better, achieving more popularity. It is interpersonal communication skills and
approval
Correct article usage
the approval
show examples
 of other
people
 that can tremendously affect the success of a leader. Young members,
on the other hand
, will need more time to make contributions over time to prove themselves worthy. In conclusion, I believe that critical positions of authority should be given to senior staff members for the certain
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 mentioned rather than
young
Correct pronoun usage
young ones
show examples
.
Submitted by asmitakhatri490 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that paragraphs flow logically from one to the next, using a range of linking words effectively. Introduction and conclusion should clearly state the essay's position and summarize the main points respectively.
task achievement
Enhance task response by fully addressing all parts of the task. Develop a clear position throughout your response and provide a final conclusion that summarizes your view effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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