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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house. The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house. The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart describes the amount of percentage doing housework in
both
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. And, Each task represents the
time
Use synonyms
 of use in
both
Use synonyms
 of them.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of cooking is the highest trend in
both
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 house repairs work is the lowest one in
both
Use synonyms
 charts. The amount of
time
Use synonyms
 spent on housework,
both
Use synonyms
 of them use their
time
Use synonyms
 mostly in cooking. In
both
Use synonyms
 charts, it can be seen that females do household chores
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
men
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, cooking and cleaning have the highest trend in
women
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 pet care and house repairs are most done by
men
Use synonyms
. The percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 cooking has reached the top place of about 80% and they enjoy spending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 above 80minutes per
day
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 do cooking less than 20% of
women
Use synonyms
, just about 60 minutes in a single
day
Use synonyms
. Males like to do pet care is about 21% which is slightly higher than females about 2%. They
both
Use synonyms
 equally spend their
time
Use synonyms
 taking care of around 20 minutes
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
day
Use synonyms
. Most of the
men
Use synonyms
 like to do house repairs
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
19%, they spend the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 close to 20 minutes,
whereas
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 only do approximately 10%
and
Change preposition
of and
show examples
 the
time
Use synonyms
 is
very
Rephrase
much
show examples
 less about 5% per
day
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words both, men, women, time, day with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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