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Band 4.5

Some people think employers should not pay attention to the way their employees dress. Because the quality of their work is more important. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #employers #attention #employees #dress #quality #work
Part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society believes that employers should not care about the dressing
way
 of their workers, rather than their working skills.
Nevertheless
, I disagree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 opinion. I believe that the
way
 of dressing can benefit a
business
 in many ways.
Firstly
, the most important fact is that having a proper dress code will give an identity to the
business
.
In addition
, most of the
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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businessess
Correct your spelling
businesses
 offer
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 uniform to their employees.
Due to
 the fact that wearing that uniform will give a proper appearance to the
business
. As they can be highlighted
in
Change preposition
apply
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anywhere as their workers.
For instance
, uber offers
an t-shirts
Correct the article-noun agreement
t-shirts
a t-shirt
show examples
 to their riders
hence
, anyone will know about their delivery service
in
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apply
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anywhere.
Secondly
, it is
way
 easier to provide their service to their clients. Wearing a proper dress will give a better view to the buyers.
Therefore
, it will be easy for customers to find a worker between
crowd
Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
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 of people. The places like clothing stores,
shopping
Correct word choice
and shopping
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 malls it is really hard to find a helper
hence
 there are
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of people around. But if they have a unique dress code it is
way
 easier for the customers to find them.
For example
, Odell helpers wear a black coloured trouser and
Add an article
a t-shirt
show examples
t-shirt
Capitalize word
T-shirt
show examples
 with their batch on so they can be easier to
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
. In conclusion, it is a
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 truth that working quality is more important but the
way
 of dressing can offer a better view
to
Change preposition
of
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 the world. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it can offer an identity to the
business
 and
also
 it will be
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 to the customers in many ways.
Submitted by darshanadnj20 on

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Introduction
Develop a more comprehensive introduction that clearly presents your viewpoint and outlines the main points that will be discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraph structures to improve the logical flow and structure of the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed examples and expand on explanations to support your main points for a more thorough task response.

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