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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the results of a questionnaire that asked visitors to the Parkway Hotel how they rated the hotel’s customer service. The same questionnaire was given to 100 guests in the years 2005 and 2010.

The charts below show the results of a questionnaire that asked visitors to the Parkway Hotel how they rated the hotel’s customer service. The same questionnaire was given to 100 guests in the years 2005 and 2010.
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The pie charts illustrate the
customer
Use synonyms
 gladdening levels survey results given to 100 clients of the Parkway Hotel in 2005 and 2010. It is noticeable that the level of
customer
Use synonyms
 satisfaction increased substantially in
those two timeline
Change the determiner
that two timeline
those two timelines
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the majority number of Parkway Hotel guests described its
customer
Use synonyms
 service as satisfactory and poor in 2005, but the data in 2010 shows most customers thought that the hotel’s
customer
Use synonyms
 service was good and excellent.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 2005, the highest
customer
Use synonyms
 emotion toward the service was satisfactory which accounted for 45
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the chart.
Then
Linking Words
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 comes behind with 21
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, following that we have the very poor, good and excellent make up 15, 14, and 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively. Despite how bad that was for people who visited Parkway Hotel, in 2010 data for good emotion was significantly increased and was the highest client evaluation with 39
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Next,
Linking Words
the excellent reviews grew by 23
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, making it take place in the top two positive commentaries in 2010 with 28
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. And
lastly
Linking Words
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
satisfactory, poor, and very poor criticisms take up 17,12, and 4
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for each.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words customer, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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