IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? write at least 250 words

#people #debt #don’t #can’t #behaviour #action
Nowadays,
people
 tend to lend
money
 to get
things
 that are actually unnecessary for themselves. In my opinion, it happens because of the lifestyle and society,
people
 want others to think that they are always up to date with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society.
Therefore
, all the unnecessary
things
 leave them in heavy debt.
People
 now are introduced to e-commerce
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can be used easily to spend
money
 all around the world. A lot of e-commerce now have similar features that
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 it easy for
people
 to loan
money
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online by using the mentioned feature with their identity as a guarantee.
Moreover
,
people
 especially teenagers are
people
 that are easily influenced by their group of friends that has
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
things
 that are quite expensive to spend
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 them
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
want to follow what they call trends. In order to avoid financial issues,
people
 have to be wise in making spending
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
,
such
 as spending
money
 on
things
 that are only needed and
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fit with their budget.
For example
, if someone wants to buy themselves a new phone, they need to consider the
money
 they have before choosing the type of phone they decide to buy. There is no need to buy a phone with
such
 advanced technology that you
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
 operate to
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 fullest extent.
Instead
, buy phones that are aligned with your needs and
money
Correct article usage
the money
show examples
 you have. In conclusion, spend your
money
 wisely and don’t let your ego consume you to spend
money
 on
things
 that aren’t within your capability and needs.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay's coherence and cohesion, make an effort to organize your ideas more logically. Use a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, main points, and conclusion. Employ linking words effectively to connect ideas across sentences and paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and a conclusive sentence that ties back to the overall essay argument.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the question provided. Expand on your ideas with more specific examples and explanations. Clarify the reasons behind people's overspending and suggest more concrete actions that individuals or authorities can take to prevent such behavior. Aim to develop each idea thoroughly before moving on to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: