IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#directors #managers #organisations #people #leaders
1.To gather documents of police
report
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
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 that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been reported by PT. BSRE based on police report acknowledgement letter or complaint 2.To study and analyze the basis issue/dispute based on the document that has been received by BGN Law Firm; 3.To study and evaluate some regulations which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 relevant to the issue/dispute; 4.To draft power of attorney as a way to accompany and/or represent PT. BSRE
legally
Add a missing verb
is legally
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 signed by the principal and attorney-in-fact with stamp duty; 5.To prepare some documents, and literature related to the issue/dispute for legal arguments or facts as
argumentative
Add an article
an argumentative
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 framework to follow up the police report that has been reported or complaint based on required documents as
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 and witnesses;
Submitted by talubis on

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task achievement
This essay does not address the prompt provided, which discusses the age of directors and managers in leadership roles. It is important to ensure that you fully understand the essay question and stay on-topic throughout your response. Make sure to answer directly whether you agree or disagree with the statement that younger people make better leaders, and provide clear reasons and examples to support your position.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. These elements are essential for structuring your argument effectively. Begin with an introduction that paraphrases the essay prompt and outlines your stance. Use body paragraphs to elaborate on your main points with supporting details, and conclude by summarizing your argument and restating your position.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on using fluent language that logically connects your ideas and paragraphs. This means using a range of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas (e.g., firstly, however, in addition, therefore, etc.). Also, paragraphs should center around a single main idea, with each sentence contributing to that concept.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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