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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph below shows the relationship between age and crime in the UK in the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the relationship between age and crime in the UK in the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line chart demonstrates the data regarding the correlation between
age
Use synonyms
 and
crime
Use synonyms
 in the
UK
Use synonyms
last
Linking Words
 year,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart conveys which classification of
crime
Use synonyms
 happened in the
UK
Use synonyms
 in the same period. In general, the most prominent feature was that the relationship between
age
Use synonyms
 and
crime
Use synonyms
 rate in the
UK
Use synonyms
 experienced fluctuating tendencies over the period given, and young adults aged 20 had the highest number of criminals.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the most significant type of
crime
Use synonyms
 that happened in the
UK
Use synonyms
 was violent
crime
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 public order
crime
Use synonyms
 was classified as having the lowest rate of
crime
Use synonyms
 in the
UK
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
, there were no
cases
Use synonyms
 of
crime
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 reported in children from 0 to 8
years
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 of
age
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. The crimes started to increase between the ages of 8 and 12, still accounting for under 10
cases
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the number of crimes has increased sharply among teenagers, from 12 to 16
years
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 old to 70
cases
Use synonyms
.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the
crime
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 rates reached a peak at 80
cases
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 by young adults aged 20
years
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 old before decreasing extremely in the next category of
age
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 above 20 to 28
years
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 old, to 20
cases
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.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the number of
cases
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 keeps declining gradually for the infants to
elderly
Add an article
the elderly
an elderly
show examples
 category from the
age
Use synonyms
 of 32 to 60, witnessed at under 20 until 0
cases
Use synonyms
 in the end. With regards to the kinds of
crime
Use synonyms
 in the
UK
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, violent
crime
Use synonyms
 amounted to almost half of the total
cases
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, at 46%. Property
crime
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 was next on the list at 23%, making it slightly more popular than drug
crime
Use synonyms
 at 22%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, at the bottom of the list was public order
crime
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, which only accounted for almost a tenth of total
crime
Use synonyms
 rates, at 9%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, crime, uk, cases, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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