IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol.

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Drugs
Use synonyms
 are something that could
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 some effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 or physical
state
Fix the agreement mistake
states
show examples
. Some
drugs
Use synonyms
 are prohibited
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 as they can destroy the health of
people
Use synonyms
 who consume them. Many hard
drugs
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as heroin and cocaine are prohibited
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
,
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 still allowed to be used by
people
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I agree that laws should be applied to all hard
drugs
Use synonyms
 without exception. Some
drugs
Use synonyms
 are banned
to be
Change preposition
from being
show examples
 used in
everyday’s
Change noun form
everyday
show examples
 life without permission,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means, you can’t
use
Use synonyms
 or buy the
drugs
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 convenience store or a place where you will get those kinds of things easily.
The permission
Correct article usage
Permission
show examples
 to
use
Use synonyms
 those kinds of
drugs
Use synonyms
 sometimes is given under some circumstances,
such
Linking Words
 as, for medical
use
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there are some
drugs
Use synonyms
 that are not prohibited to be used
such
Linking Words
 as
Tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
 and you will get those easily. It
is giving
Verb problem
creates
show examples
 a significant gap,
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 they are not prohibited by the governments,
whereas
Linking Words
, they
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the same effect to the
people
Use synonyms
 who consume them. There are so many impacts that
people
Use synonyms
 can feel after consuming. Not only to the mind or physical state
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 to health.
People
Use synonyms
 who
use
Use synonyms
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
 are more likely to have lung problems and kidney problems, respectively. Not only that, by consuming
tobacco
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 around them
also
Linking Words
 can get affected in case they inhale the smoke.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
alcohol
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could increase the crime rate in cities as it affects
people
Use synonyms
’s minds so they can’t think clearly. In conclusion, all
drugs
Use synonyms
 are substances that can affect the way your brain works and how you feel and behave. The governments should ban all the usage of any
drugs
Use synonyms
 as they
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative impact on
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should state the topic and your position, while the conclusion should summarize your arguments.
cohesion
Arrange main points logically, presenting each in its own paragraph, and link ideas together with appropriate transition words for better flow and cohesion.
development
Expand your main points by providing more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments and clarify your position on the topic.
task response
Stay focused on the task and ensure that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed in your response to receive a higher score on task achievement.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Chronic diseases
  • Substance abuse
  • Psychological dependency
  • Social stigma
  • Preventive measures
  • Legislative framework
  • Healthcare expenditure
  • Judicial system
  • Prohibition era
  • Civil liberties
  • Tax revenues
  • Harm reduction
  • Ethical considerations
  • Public health policy
  • Addiction treatment
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