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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

#education #employment #people #work
Competition is an aspect
in
Change preposition
of
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 education
as well as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employment that forces
people
 to
work
 harder. There are
people
 who are stubborn by birth and always want to grow in their
life
will
Correct word choice
and will
show examples
work
 harder, and working hard is not always good; it depends on the post and field in which
people
 are putting
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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in
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apply
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.
People
works
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work
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 hard to get the appreciation of their
work
as well as
 the increment in salary. As
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans grow older, their desires
also
increases
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increase
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 and to cope
up
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apply
show examples
with those, they need more money. There are individuals who are not satisfied throughout their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 harder
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 to achieve their goals and fulfil their financial needs. Working hard is the only way to boost
the
Correct article usage
apply
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personal
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
. According
the
Correct article usage
apply
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to
recent
Add an article
a recent
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 report from BBC, successful
people
 have worked almost the double hours
than
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as
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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normal
people
 during their early stage of
life
;
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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leaded
Correct your spelling
led
show examples
 them to success. Working hard often helps to improve one’s quality of
life
 but it’s not always the same case. If someone is working for his boss, the harder he
works
 the more successful his boss will be.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
 not like
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the employee will get no benefit
of
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from
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 putting
more
Change preposition
in more
show examples
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
, but the advantage his boss will get will be exponential.
In contrast
, if someone is working for his own business, the more he
works
,
more
Correct the article
the more
show examples
 his business expands.
For instance
, Bill Gates and Satya Nadela worked parallelly throughout their
life
, but Bill is more successful than Satya just because he worked
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on
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for
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on
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 his own. To recapitulate,
people
work
 harder to ease their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 but
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not always the case that hard
work
 will be in
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
 favour. There is a major difference between working for own or for somebody else, and individuals have to be smarter
for deciding
Change preposition
to decide
show examples
 where to put more
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
.
Submitted by rushsoni1998 on

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task response
Expand upon the examples you provide to support your main points more convincingly. Detailed examples and case studies can make your arguments stronger and more engaging. Try to include relevant statistics, research findings, or personal anecdotes that align with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a clear and logical structure for your essay. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that develop that idea in a coherent manner. Use transition words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Remember your introduction and conclusion are critical to framing your essay. The introduction should clearly state the topics to be discussed, while the conclusion should effectively summarize your main points without introducing new information. Make them more impactful by refining your thesis statement and final thoughts.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Work ethic
  • Upbringing
  • Cultural values
  • Ambitions
  • Motivated
  • Fear of failure
  • Competitive nature
  • Overworking
  • Burnout
  • Stress-related health issues
  • Productivity
  • Quality of life
  • Healthy balance
  • Long-term productivity
What to do next:
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