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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The charts given show
comparison
Correct article usage
a comparison
show examples
 of durations and activities that are experienced by adults in a specific country
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1958 and 2008. From the general overview, it is obvious to see that there were six activity categories in each year. First and foremost, the majority of adults in 1958
likely
Add a missing verb
were likely
show examples
 to spend their time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working with 33%
individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
show examples
 from the total number.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon of
this
Linking Words
 category remained the same and even increased
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 42% in 2008. More than that, sleeping habit is
also
Linking Words
 placed into the second highest for both years which was 32% in 1958 and 25% in 2008.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there were several changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 preferences that can be seen. In 1958, older people
tend
Wrong verb form
tended
show examples
 to not travel to work
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was only 2% of people
in contrast
Linking Words
 with the earlier data in 2008 showed a slight rise which became 8% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 numbers. More than that, going out with relatives showed
approximately
Correct article usage
an approximately
show examples
 twofold
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
decrease from 19% of
Correct article usage
the populations
show examples
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
 in 1958 to 6% which led
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
 data
placed
Wrong verb form
placing
show examples
 the least activity that adults spent on in 2008.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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