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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Task 1 The table below shows the population ratio of females per 100 males in six different areas in 1995 and 2005.

Task 1 The table below shows the population ratio of females per 100 males in six different areas in 1995 and 2005.
#population #ratio #females #males #six #areas
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The given table provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about the population
ratios
Change the noun form
ratio
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females
Change preposition
of females
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 to males in 4 continents including Asia, Africa, Europe and North
America
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 in other parts of the world
such
Linking Words
 as Central
America
Use synonyms
 and Oceania. It could be seen that almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of the given areas
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
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 growth
whereas
Linking Words
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 half depicted negative trends. Moving to more detailed data provided, in Africa the ratio of females to per 100 males decreased by 1.4 throughout the period.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
ratio
Add an article
the ratio
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 in Europe
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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had positive changes starting from 89.4 in 1995 to 92.8 in 2005. And Asia where the rate was highest in 1995 (105.3) had a slight drop of 104.9 in 2015.
According to
Linking Words
 the illustrated data, in 3 parts of the
world
Add a comma
world,
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 the amount of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 per
a
Correct article usage
apply
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hundred males dropped over a decade indicating
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 amount of
drops
Fix the agreement mistake
drop
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. In North
America
Use synonyms
, Central
America
Use synonyms
 and
Ocenia
Correct your spelling
Oceania
 ratios started with 100 and above but lessened by 3 - 0.2 the following decade.
Submitted by esenkulova.ulbosyn on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words america with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratios" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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