An increase in production of consumer goods results in damaging the environment. What are the causes of this and give a possible solution

#production #consumer #goods #results #environment

The production of consumer goods is having an increasing number of harmful impacts on the environment. In

this

essay, I will elucidate the factors that contribute towards environmental damage and propose some solutions to them. The root cause of the environmental issues is mostly associated with the consumer goods industry. A massive production or industrial process of goods requires a lot of

energy

, and mostly coal-based

source

Fix the agreement mistake

sources

show examples

because it is cheap and efficient.

However

, coal-based

energy

produces

carbon

emissions which could deteriorate air pollution. Climate change

Correct your spelling

show examples

an example,

carbon

emissions are the biggest factor towards

this

problem. One of the impacts on the earth is the rising degree of

earth's

Correct article usage

the earth's

show examples

temperature reached 1.5 compared with the industrialisation era.

Additionally

, the liquid waste

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

produced by industries is

also

detrimental to the environment, especially water sources.

Therefore

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

special water treatment is required for the industries before they

disposed

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are disposed

show examples

of. Several solutions can be taken to heal our earth from many breakages made by humans. The actions can be divided into preventive and corrective.

Firstly

, preventive action can be implemented and

initially

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apply

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the government make a regulation for the industry to start shifting the use of renewable

energy

. To illustrate, in 2023, the Ministry of Environment of Indonesia, had a policy on the

carbon

market which gave an incentive for companies that changed their

energy

source from solar or wind power.

Secondly

, the corrective action

can

Correct pronoun usage

that can

show examples

be considered as the solution is corporate social responsibility (CSR) actions that should be done by the corporation as a compulsory task. Take cleaning

river

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rivers

show examples

as an instance, help to clean up the trash in the river and prevent it

Change preposition

from

show examples

causing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

flood

Fix the agreement mistake

floods

show examples

. In conclusion, the causes of environmental damage are

carbon

emissions and waste

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

produced by the companies.

This

essay suggested the solution to

this

problem is twofold: renewable

energy

shifting and CSR.

Submitted by 2024successielts on Fri Jan 26 2024

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coherence cohesion

Be sure to carefully structure your essay with clear and distinct paragraphs, each one focusing on a separate point or idea. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between these paragraphs, enhancing the overall flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are identifiable, which is good. However, make sure you restate your thesis in the conclusion clearly, summarizing your main points and the solutions offered succinctly to reinforce your argument.

coherence cohesion

Each main point that you introduce should have a clear explanation and, when possible, be supported by specific examples or evidence. Aim to develop each point fully before moving on to the next.

task achievement

You have completed the task by addressing causes and solutions to the environmental issues from the production of consumer goods. To enhance your score, ensure that you discuss these in greater depth, providing a more thorough analysis of causes and a broader range of potential solutions.

task achievement

Strive for clarity in expressing your ideas. Your writing should consistently convey your message comprehensively, leaving no room for ambiguity. This can also include ensuring your examples and arguments relate directly to the topic without digressing.

task achievement

Make use of relevant, specific examples to substantiate your points. While general examples are acceptable, providing more detailed and specific cases or statistics can help strengthen the impact of your argument and showcase your understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

313 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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An increase in production of consumer goods results in damaging the environment. What are the causes of this and give a possible solution

Your opinion

Most of the urgent problems can only be solved with international cooperation. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?