IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In recent years, many governments have brought in laws to ban smoking in public places, such as bars, resturants and offices. To what extend do you agree or disagree with banning smoking in public places?

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In recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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, there has been a significant increase in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who smoke. These
people
Use synonyms
 can be witnessed everywhere,
however
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, the majority of governments have brought in laws to ban smoking in public locations, which means that
people
Use synonyms
 can not smoke in places
such
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 as
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 and offices. I tend to agree with
this
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 idea, and in
this
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 essay, I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
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, smoking in these areas can harm other
people
Use synonyms
. What I mean by
this
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 is that individuals who are dealing with
resperatory
Correct your spelling
respiratory
 diseases,
such
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 as asthma, would get worse if someone does
this
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.
Moreover
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, old
people
Use synonyms
 might get cancer, because they are in their weakest period and anything can affect them quickly.
As a result
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, you may cause these
people
Use synonyms
 to die. Another reason is that you limit
people
Use synonyms
's freedom. Many
people
Use synonyms
 are annoyed
of
Change preposition
by
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 smelling
such
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 drugs, and by doing
this
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, you force them to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
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 the polluted air.
As a result
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, there would be arguments between the sober person and the smoker
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, which may lead to
fight
Correct article usage
a fight
show examples
.
For instance
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, in Iran, 40 per cent of the arguments are related to
this
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,
according to
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 news.
However
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that smoking should not be completely banned. They feel that public areas like bars and cafes should have
this
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 option for smokers.
As a result
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,
this
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 situation would be great for both sobers and smokers. In conclusion, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact that
this
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 can make some
people
Use synonyms
uncomfotable
Correct your spelling
uncomfortable
, some feel there
sould
Correct your spelling
should
could
 be special locations for
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
such
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 as bars and cafes. In my opinion,
this
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 thing should be prevented in
such
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 places in order to decrease the number of them.

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize your arguments and restate your position.
cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs. Avoid repetition and make sure the logical flow is easy for the reader to follow. Try using words like 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' and 'nevertheless' to connect your points.
task response
It is necessary to fully address all parts of the task. Ensure that you present a balanced view of the topic by discussing both sides if the question requires it and then clearly state your opinion.
examples
Use specific examples to support each point you make. The examples should be relevant and illustrate the argument or statement you have presented. You can include personal experiences, hypothetical situations, or real-world examples that are factually accurate.
clarity
Strive to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Avoid overly simplistic statements and aim to elaborate on your points with further explanation or details where appropriate.
language use
Pay attention to grammar and spelling. Using correct punctuation and varying your sentence structures can also make your writing more interesting and easier to read.
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