IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A lot of charities and organisations have to publicize their activities by setting up a number of days to name the special day like National Children’s day and National non-smoking day. Why do they do so? What are the effects?

#charities #organisations #activities #name #children’s #effects
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These
days
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 many
NGO’s
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NGOs
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 and
NPO’s
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NPOs
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 need to advertise their efforts by naming
days
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 like ‘Mother’s Day’ and ‘No Smoking Day’. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I shall discuss the causes and effects of
this
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 phenomenon. The main reason why these NPOs publicise their work is to raise funds for their
working
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work
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. When they publicize their activities, they get
people
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’s attention and so
people
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 contribute wholeheartedly. Sometimes, in times of calamities, they need a lot of funds and manual help. They need voluntary workers.
For example
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, recently in Ladakh, a cloudburst caused havoc. Many
people
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 lost their lives and there was a lot of damage
of
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to
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 property. The Rotary Club and Jaycee Club of my hometown sent many volunteers to help. The government alone cannot be
at
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in
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 all places. Because of
such
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 organisations,
people
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 get timely help and a lot of burden is eased from the government’s shoulders.
Furthermore
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, when these organisations name special
days
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, it brings
people
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 together. With more activities opened and more
days
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 named, more and more
people
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 focus their attention and put their time and energy
and
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into and
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 realise the importance of doing for others.
As a consequence
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, community spirit increases in society. As it is nowadays,
people
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 are getting
self-centered
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self-centred
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 and alienated from each other. So,
such
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days
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 are the need of the day.
Such
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days
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also
Linking Words
, keep our youth in touch with our culture and traditions. With the exposure to global culture, youth today are forgetting their traditions. Establishing some
days
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 may help
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
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 understand the importance of
such
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 events.
Such
Linking Words
days
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also
Linking Words
 increase awareness of offering help selflessly.
Hence
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, some virtuous habits may pass from one generation to the other.
Finally
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,
such
Linking Words
days
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 deter
people
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 from bad habits. For e.g., on National No Smoking Day
people
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 are made aware
about
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of
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 the harmful effects of smoking. To summarise, charities and NPOs publicize their activities because they need funds, and they name certain
days
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 so that
people
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 come together and celebrate and realize the importance of their culture and tradition
Submitted by aamenis on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, focus on providing more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. While the essay mentions a specific incident in Ladakh, generalizing with broader or varied examples would strengthen your arguments. Additionally, consider presenting contrasting points of view or addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more nuanced and complete response to the question posed.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, you could enhance the logical structure of your essay by including clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will help the reader understand the main point of each paragraph immediately. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each main point is elaborated upon equally, providing balance and thoroughness to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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