The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
the numbers of
people
who live in urban,rural and town, whether they were born in
Australia
or outside
Australia
from 1995 to 2010 in percentage.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
1995
people
who were born in
Australia
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
lived
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
cities
, about 50
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
, And about 30
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
were lived
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Rural areas,
as well as
20
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
towns
.
For
Change preposition
Of
show examples
people
borned
Correct your spelling
born
outside
Australia
most of them live in
cities
about 60
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
, 40
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
in rural
ereas
Correct your spelling
areas
and about 10 persons at rowns.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
2010 about 65
person
lived in
cities
from
people
who were born in
Australia
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
80
person
from
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were born outside
Australia
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
about 15
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
who were born in
Australia
lived in
towns
and rural areas,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
about 10 persons lived in
towns
were
borned
Correct your spelling
born
outside
Australia
, and about 5 persons in rural areas. So
people
used to love living in
cities
and still
liking
Wrong verb form
like
show examples
to live
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
cities
, and they used to live
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
rural
ereas
Correct your spelling
areas
and
towns
a lot but in 2010 they started to be less.
Submitted by Daniamoh05 on

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, cities, person, towns with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 8 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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