Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force, while others think that women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Gender equality in fields like military and
police
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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have more male population than female is a topic that has been progressed and debated worldwide. Some believe that
women
should be equally represented in these
work spaces
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workspaces
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,
while
some believe that
men
are more physically suited than
women
and should be featured more. In my opinion,
women
should play an equal role as
men
in military and
police
forces, because
women
are now represented with more opportunities than in the past, and both genders should be equally accepted and treated the same. On the one hand,
women
have a greater tendency to get rejected by forces related to cops and the military. One of them
being
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is that
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women
having
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have
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more limitations when it comes to physical abilities than
men
.
Men
are scientifically proven to be stronger than
women
, having more skeletal muscle mass and body strength.
Therefore
, in wars back in the day,
men
were the ones fighting
while
women
played a supporting role
such
as providing healthcare and
food
to
men
in the war or taking care of the house and kids at home.
Women
in the past were accustomed to
serve
Change the verb form
serving
show examples
their husbands,
Correct word choice
and keep
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keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
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the house, They were not granted access to education to adequate
food
when there was a lack of surplus, since
men
were favored over
women
. Without the
food
and
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
needed, they were unable to sustain health and physical strength like
men
, and they did not have the qualification of education to join the army or
police
force.
On the other hand
,
while
men
have more physical strength and are traditionally expected to serve in the military and
police
force, I still believe that
women
should be given the same opportunities in the modern world. In the past,
women
were not as respected and were mistreated.
However
, most
women
are now given the chance to go to school and improve their knowledge
as well as
physical health. They are given enough
food
and
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
to be just as scientifically healthy as
men
.
Women
win many high awards in sports and academics now because they have a chance too. Scientists even prove that
women
are more capable than
men
in fields that require physical flexibility and creativity.
This
shows that females have more abilities than proven in the past and are just as capable as
men
to serve in the navy or to be a
police
. Generally,
women
, in my opinion, should play an equal role in the military and
police
forces as males, because they now have chances to go to school and eat the same
food
, and all genders should be recognised and treated equally.
Submitted by ngocnamkhue.nguyen on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion. It should explicitly state the topics being discussed and your own stance on the issue. The conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your opinion clearly.
logical structure
Organize your ideas into clear, logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and be supported with detailed examples or evidence. Be mindful of transition words to ensure a smooth flow between points.
logical structure
Use a range of linking words to help the reader follow your argument. This includes words that show cause and effect, contrast, and addition.
complete response
Fully address the task by discussing both views presented in the question before giving your own opinion. Ensure that the discussion remains balanced and that all views are covered.
clear comprehensive ideas
Provide clear, comprehensive explanations for each point you make. Avoid vague statements and ensure that your reader can understand your reasoning.
supported main points
Support your main points with relevant, specific examples or evidence. This could be in the form of statistics, studies, or real-world examples that are directly related to the point you're discussing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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