IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the proportion of people aged over 65 years old in Germany, Canada, and the UK over a period of 50 years.

The bar chart shows the proportion of people aged over 65 years old in Germany, Canada, and the UK over a period of 50 years.
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The bar chart illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the elderly aged over 65 in Germany, Canada, and the UK over
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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five decades. All three countries have
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 increasing trends in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the elderly,
however
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
at
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 different paces. Germany, the most aged
population
Use synonyms
 in terms of
percentage
Use synonyms
, has moderately
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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proportion
Add an article
the proportion
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 of aged
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 from 15% in 1980 to 20% in 2000. By 2030, one-fourth of Germans are elderly.
UK
Correct article usage
The UK
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 is experiencing rapid
growth
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the aging
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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population
Use synonyms
 too. In the first two decades, the
growth
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
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 subtle.
However
Linking Words
, the
growth
Use synonyms
 from 2000
are
Verb problem
has
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 trebled from the previous period, predicted to be just below
25
Correct article usage
the 25
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% mark in
the
Change the article
apply
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2030. Canada, the least aged
population
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the three countries in
beginning
Correct article usage
the beginning
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, has the greatest and the fastest
growth
Use synonyms
 of aged populations over the five decades to 22%,
doubled
Wrong verb form
doubling
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 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of just
as of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10% in 1980. That's surpassing the proportion of
aged
Add an article
the aged
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population
Use synonyms
 in the UK.
To sum up
Linking Words
, Germany is the most aged society
off
Change preposition
of
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 all time. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of pace, Canada has
a
Correct article usage
the
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fastest growing
Add a hyphen
fastest-growing
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 pace in elderly
percentage
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, population, growth with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 4 times.
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