IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities. Some people think this is beneficial for the children of these families, while other think children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#families #move #job #opportunities #people #children
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Abroad
countries
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 are attracting more people
theseadays
Correct your spelling
these days
 than ever before as places like
such
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 provide various
opportunities
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
immigrants
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immigrant
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 families to start new businesses.
Therefore
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, it is said by some that
this
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 migration will benefit the
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youngones
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young ones
,
however
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, other
suggests
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suggest
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 that
children
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 have to face problems. In
this
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 essay, both sides will be discussed
along with
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 my opinion.
To begin
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 with, it is found that
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youngones
Correct your spelling
young ones
, living alone
seperate
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separate
separated
 from parents, tend to have
home sickness
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homesickness
show examples
, which
result
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results
show examples
 in poor academic performance, lack of focus and
guidence
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guidance
.
However
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, if family support is provided to
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youngones
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young ones
, these
primarily
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primary
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 issues can be resolved by listening to the problem
,
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apply
show examples
 and providing
guidence
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guidance
 to make the best choices.
Moreover
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,
children
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 will have
opportunities
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 to get
education
Correct article usage
an education
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 from great universities in developed
countries
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 rather than in less developed nations as
countries
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 like Germany, provide education at no cost for the youth.
Hence
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, it would be beneficial for
offsprings
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offspring
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 to live
in
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apply
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overseas.
On the other hand
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, inviting parents to live with, it raise the
economical
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economic
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 pressure on the
children
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. The
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youngones
Correct your spelling
young ones
 have to spend money on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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travel, living, groceries, and many more, resulting in more
expanses
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expenses
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 than
earning
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earnings
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.
For instance
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, a
rececnt
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recent
 study, done by
the
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apply
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CNN
news
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News
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,
it
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apply
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shows that
chidren
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children
 are more likely to face economic
crisis
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crises
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,
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apply
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while
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 living with families than living by
ownself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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.
In addition
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, sometimes it may get hard for both parents and
children
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 to adapt new culture
as
Change preposition
because
show examples
 of
language
Correct article usage
the language
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 barrier. It is hard for
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youngones
Correct your spelling
young ones
 to leave all behind and start from the bottom line.
Therefore
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,
children
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 would have
Add an article
a problem
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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,
while
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migratiing
Correct your spelling
migrating
 to
country
Correct article usage
the country
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. In conclusion,
although
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 moving to developed
countries
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 has both advantages and disadvantages, I think, it opens
a great
Correct the article-noun agreement
great opportunities
a great opportunity
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opportunities
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 for the youth to build their career. There are many amenities are provided for the development of the youth.
Thus
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, the
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youngones
Correct your spelling
young ones
 should not miss
opportunities
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 like
this
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, if they are concerned about the upcoming future.
Submitted by yudhveer4890 on

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task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion. Provide equal development to both sides of the argument to fully address the task.
coherence cohesion
Enhance logical structure by organizing ideas more effectively. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to indicate what the paragraph will be about and ensure the paragraph stays focused on that main idea.
task achievement
To improve task response, the essay should include more specific examples to support claims. This includes citing studies, giving hypothetical scenarios, or providing personal anecdotes that are directly relevant to the points made.
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