Many people work long hour, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?
A numerous
Correct the article-noun agreement
Numerous
people
willing to spend more Add a verb
people are
people were
time
in to Use synonyms
work
for the benefits Use synonyms
that
Linking Words
is
usually provided by companies, with Change the verb form
are
consequence
that they need to sacrifice their Add an article
the consequence
time
for leisure activities. Use synonyms
This
essayLinking Words
,
will provide Remove the comma
apply
further
explanation Linking Words
does
Verb problem
of whether
this
situation in more advantages or more disadvantages.
Linking Words
Overall
, the employees that Linking Words
work
overtime usually want to get extra income from their Use synonyms
over
Correct your spelling
overtime
time
fee, meanwhile, the companies want to increase their Use synonyms
work
productivity. Use synonyms
This
situation Linking Words
resulting
Wrong verb form
resulted
on
a mutual understanding, with a proper fee and benefits the workers willingly Change preposition
in
Use synonyms
work
day and night even working on Wrong verb form
worked
weekend
. Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
This
scheme Linking Words
commonly
practiced Add a missing verb
is commonly
on
Change preposition
in
corporate
that have productivity Replace the word
corporations
target
, Fix the agreement mistake
targets
such
asLinking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
manufactured
, mining, Replace the word
manufacturing
factory
and others.
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
On the other hand
, Linking Words
to
much Replace the word
too
over
Correct your spelling
overtime
time
will increase Use synonyms
fatigue
of the employee, Correct article usage
the fatigue
that
resulting on decreasing Correct word choice
apply
the
productivity. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, Linking Words
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
corporates
a corporate
corporates
that Replace the word
corporations
obligated
their people Wrong verb form
obligate
on laboring
for Change preposition
to labor
a
long hoursCorrect the article-noun agreement
apply
,
will increase Remove the comma
apply
chance
Add an article
the chance
for
high turnover due Change preposition
of
the
stress of their working environment.
Change preposition
to the
Peoples
need their rest to recharge their energy, Fix the agreement mistake
People
thats
why Correct your spelling
that
a recreational activities
or even going on a vacation is needed to refresh Correct the article-noun agreement
recreational activities
a recreational activity
condition
of the workers.
Correct article usage
the condition
For
Change preposition
In
the
conclusion, the benefit that was given for doing Correct article usage
apply
an
extra hours of working Correct article usage
apply
definitely
very attractive for most Add a missing verb
is definitely
of
Change preposition
apply
peoples
. But, there Fix the agreement mistake
people
need
a balance between life and Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
work
to prevent stress and fatigue Use synonyms
on
working Change preposition
in
condition
, Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
furthermore
, Linking Words
to
much stress and fatigue will lead to sickness which will Change preposition
apply
led
to Change the verb form
lead
bill
for medication.Fix the agreement mistake
bills
Submitted by awalia.septiani.17 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task, however it tends to present points in a general manner without exploring the advantages and disadvantages thoroughly. It is suggested that the writer delves deeper into the topic by discussing a variety of detailed advantages and disadvantages related to the lack of leisure due to long working hours.
coherence cohesion
Use clear paragraphing with each paragraph containing a central idea. Enhance the use of linking words to better connect ideas. Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more clearly stated with explicit thesis statements and summaries of main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.