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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown Below. Leisure time in a typical week in hours – by sex and employment status, 1998-1999.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown Below. Leisure time in a typical week in hours – by sex and employment status, 1998-1999.
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status #report #university #lecturer #information #week #hours #sex
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The bar chart details how
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
 per week, in
hours
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
males and females from five employment status
categories
Use synonyms
 (
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
,
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, unemployed, retired, and housewives)
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1998 to 1999. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
persepctive
Correct your spelling
perspective
, it is readily apparent that
men
Use synonyms
 mostly had more
time
Use synonyms
 off than
women
Use synonyms
, in three status
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 in the other 2
Use synonyms
categories
Add a comma
categories,
show examples
 there were no data for
men
Use synonyms
. The amount of free
hours
Use synonyms
 for unemployed and retired
categories
Use synonyms
 from both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 were quite similar and the highest,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was just over 80
hours
Use synonyms
 per week for
men
Use synonyms
 and approximately 70
hours
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
. These numbers were nearly doubled compared with the next most-highest, which was
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 employed, about 47
hours
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
 and roughly 40
hours
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
. For the
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
houswives
Correct your spelling
housewives
categories
Use synonyms
, it was only provided females' free
time
Use synonyms
 data in those period years. Ladies who had a
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 job acquired off
hours
Use synonyms
 nearly the same
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 employed
women
Use synonyms
, about 40
hours
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 housewives
women
Use synonyms
 had approximately 50
hours
Use synonyms
free
Change preposition
of free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 per week.
Submitted by narawriteshare9 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, hours, categories, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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