IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many studies have shown that most criminals have a low level of education. Some people say that to reduce the crime rate, criminals must be educated within prisons. It will improve their prospects of employment when they are released. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of people are talking about the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate which
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 rapidly growing
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 few decades,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 few of them
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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, it can
be handle
Change the verb form
be handled
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if government provide
education
Use synonyms
 in the caves to those who commit
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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.
Similarly
Linking Words
, I too agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea
due to
Linking Words
change
Correct article usage
the change
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 in their views and
thought
Correct subject-verb agreement
thoughts
show examples
. To commence with the former argument, people mainly did
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
the crime
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 to complete their basic facilities like food,
shelther
Correct your spelling
shelter
 to cover their head and so on. Needless to say, unemployment is the major cause behind
this
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
nonetheless
Add a comma
nonetheless,
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this
Linking Words
 can
be control
Change the verb form
be controlled
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 with the
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
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 of authority because they can easily open and increase the number of
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
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 in the country so that every single citizen
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 work and earn some amount of money
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
the
Change the word
their
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 needs after 18.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can devote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food, clothes and other things
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every two months to maintain the piece in the area. Probling
further
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 and awareness
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the second major
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 to tackle
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal activity, to explain
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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deeply,
firstly
Linking Words
, if everyone is educated and
having
Wrong verb form
has
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skill
Change the article
the skill
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 to open and develop their own business
then
Linking Words
 they can happily live their life and even not commit any criminal work in their whole life.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 thing only possible if
government
Correct article usage
the government
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given
Wrong verb form
gives
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education
Use synonyms
 and business
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult and
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 them to
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 something in their life. Meanwhile, they can save the funds and
taxs
Correct your spelling
taxes
tax
 which they invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the area where they construct the prisons and other expensive
also
Linking Words
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
,
send
Wrong verb form
sending
show examples
 people
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 jail
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
best
Correct article usage
the best
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
way to deal with them,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, I think, if
law makers
Correct your spelling
lawmakers
show examples
 want to cut the roots of
crime
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 they must provide
education
Use synonyms
,
awareness
Correct word choice
and awareness
show examples
, devote some base things and so on,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these things the situations effectively handle.

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task achievement
Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement explaining the extent of your agreement or disagreement. Make sure to include a precise thesis statement presenting your main argument.
task achievement
The body paragraphs should be more focused and cohesive. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea with subsequent sentences providing support for that main idea.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. Providing concrete examples helps to strengthen your ideas and makes your essay more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay could be improved. The ideas you present must flow naturally and logically from one to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have a clear topic sentence for each paragraph, followed by explanations and examples that are well-connected to the topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points of the essay without introducing new ideas. Restate your thesis and give a final thought on the topic.
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