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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Question: In addition to your full-time job, you are taking a 15-hour Computer Science course. You now find that you cannot continue with the course. Write a letter to the course tutor. In your letter: Describe your schedule and situation Explain why you cannot continue the course Say what action you would like to take Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Ms. Franklin,

#addition #job #-hour #computer #science #course #tutor #schedule #situation #action #addresses #ms #franklin
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Dear Ms. Franklin, I am writing
this
 letter to express my disappointment regarding discontinuing the Computer Science
course
. Let me explain my situation to you in more detail. I am currently pursuing a full-time internship job at Electron Company in South Surrey which takes me 2 hours of drive for one side.
Along with
 that, I was
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
Computer
Correct article usage
a Computer
show examples
 Science
course
 that
needs
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
atleast 15-hours
Correct your spelling
at least 15 hours
 a week.
Due to
 my tight schedule, I was not able to focus on my studies
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 two weeks and my grades were dropping too. I am unable to pay attention neither to my job
nor
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 to the
course
. So, I would like to
discountinue
Correct your spelling
discontinue
 the
course
 for
this
 semester and would like to enrol again in summer.
Moreover
, I am completing my
intership
Correct your spelling
internship
 in
Correct article usage
the summmer
show examples
summmer
Correct your spelling
summer
therefore
, it would be easy for me to focus on my studies and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
score good grades. I apologize for the inconvenience caused. And hoping to get a positive response from you. Your's sincerely, Julie
Submitted by harneet2001kaur on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that the letter provides a clear and thorough explanation of the circumstances leading to the need to discontinue the course.
Task Achievement
Expand on the reasons for discontinuing the course with more specific examples or consequences that have impacted your decision.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of connecting words and phrases to improve the flow and cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Divide the letter into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the situation (schedule, reasons for discontinuing, requested actions).
Coherence & Cohesion
Add a concluding sentence to provide a polite and formal closure to your letter.
Task Achievement
Maintain a formal but courteous tone throughout the letter to align with the writing task.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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