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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph belw shows theb percerntage of female workers and workers aged 50 or above in the workforce. summarise thevinformaion by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph belw shows theb percerntage of female workers and workers aged 50 or above in the workforce. summarise thevinformaion by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#belw #theb #percerntage #workers #workforce #summarise #thevinformaion #features #comparisons
The line graph illustrates the
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 female
workers
 and
workers
 who
had
Verb problem
are
show examples
 aged above 50 in the United
kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
show examples
.
Overall
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
show examples
 the
pecentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
show examples
 workforce grew well when compared to the people who had attained the age of half of
century
Correct article usage
a century
show examples
.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 the
Uited
Correct your spelling
United
kingdom
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 increased their
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
show examples
between
Change preposition
over
show examples
 various years.
Initially
Add a comma
Initially,
show examples
 the United
kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
show examples
 had only 37% of
females
 who went for work.After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the
figure
 of women
workers
 rose steadily to the end of 2019.In 1980 and 1990 the growth of women employees had
increasedslightly
Correct your spelling
increased slightly
 to 40% and 42% respectively.In
middle
Add an article
the middle
show examples
 of those
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the
figure
 had a small fluctuation.
In
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 the proportion of the aged people had only started in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1990. In 1990 the United
kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
show examples
 citizens who worked
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
age above 50.They were only 21%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the proportion of both female
workers
 and aged
workers
 had climbed to end of the year 2019.In 2000 and 2010 the workforce of
females
 grew consistently to 45% and 46% respectively.
By
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 the
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 aged
workers
 had climbed only around 22% and 23% respectively.It was too low
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
 when compared to the female
workers
Change to a genitive case
worker's
workers'
show examples
 population.
Atlast
Correct your spelling
At last
 both
females
 and 50
above aged
Add a hyphen
above-aged
show examples
workers
 climbed to their peak
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
 47% and 32% in 2019 respectively.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words figure, workers, kingdom, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "climbed" was used 3 times.
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