Information about the age distribution of the population of France and India is provided in the diagram in percentages.

Information about the
age
distribution of the
population
of
France
and
India
is provided in the diagram in percentages.
Overall
, in
India
the older the
age
group the smaller the portion of the
population
it is,
whereas
in
France
it is a lot more balanced. Values between the
age
groups of the
population
do not differ in
France
as much as they do in
India
.
For example
, people aged between 30 and 35 in
France
have similar figures to kids aged between 0 and 5.
On the other hand
, in
India
children
this
age
are around double that of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults between 30 and 35. Another important difference is that the diagram provides detailed information about the
age
structure of the
population
in
India
only up to 70 years of
age
, compared to
France
's which extends to 85. It must be noted that in
France
gender distribution is close to equal for younger people but after 60 years of
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
females outnumber males greatly,
however
in
India
no
such
trend is noticeable.
Submitted by Mido  on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to better structure your essay. The introduction should clearly state the purpose of the essay and introduce the main points you will discuss. The conclusion should summarize the points made without adding new information.
task achievement
Ensure that the data is compared and contrasted clearly between France and India, providing specific figures when necessary to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay. Transition words and phrases such as 'furthermore,' 'in contrast,' 'moreover,' and 'as a result' can help to create better coherence between your ideas.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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