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Writing Samples
Band 4

Information about the age distribution of the population of France and India is provided in the diagram in percentages.

#information #age #distribution #population #france #india #percentages
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Information about the
age
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 distribution of the
population
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 of
France
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 and
India
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 is provided in the diagram in percentages.
Overall
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, in
India
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 the older the
age
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 group the smaller the portion of the
population
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 it is,
whereas
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 in
France
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 it is a lot more balanced. Values between the
age
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 groups of the
population
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 do not differ in
France
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 as much as they do in
India
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.
For example
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, people aged between 30 and 35 in
France
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 have similar figures to kids aged between 0 and 5.
On the other hand
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, in
India
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 children
this
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age
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 are around double that of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adults between 30 and 35. Another important difference is that the diagram provides detailed information about the
age
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 structure of the
population
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 in
India
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 only up to 70 years of
age
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, compared to
France
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's which extends to 85. It must be noted that in
France
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 gender distribution is close to equal for younger people but after 60 years of
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age
Add a comma
age,
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 females outnumber males greatly,
however
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 in
India
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 no
such
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 trend is noticeable.
Submitted by Mido  on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to better structure your essay. The introduction should clearly state the purpose of the essay and introduce the main points you will discuss. The conclusion should summarize the points made without adding new information.
task achievement
Ensure that the data is compared and contrasted clearly between France and India, providing specific figures when necessary to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay. Transition words and phrases such as 'furthermore,' 'in contrast,' 'moreover,' and 'as a result' can help to create better coherence between your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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