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Band 4

The natural resources such as oil, forests and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems

#resources #oil #forests #water #rate
The demand for non-renewable
energy
 sources has increased at an alarming rate at the international level.
This
 scenario has brought various
problems
 which are harming the environment and ecosystem.
Thisthis
Correct your spelling
Thus this
 essay will discuss the major
problems
 and try to suggest some issues to overcome these disturbing
problemsproblems
Correct your spelling
problems problems
. There are many alarming
problems
 associated with
this
 issue.One of the main
problems
 is pollution.Over-usage of natural
resources
such
 as oil for transportation and industrial purposes is polluting the air.
As transport
Correct word choice
Transport
show examples
 means and
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
show examples
 sector emit harmful gases which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
hard
Correct pronoun usage
it hard
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 to breathe for humans and other
spices
Correct your spelling
species
show examples
.
Moreover
, the remains of
such
 natural
resources
 are another cause of waste.
This
 waste spills into
water
 and
soil
.
Consequently
,
water
 and
soil
 get polluted.The other consideration is
natural
Add an article
a natural
show examples
 disaster.The extraction process of
such
resources
 involves mining and drilling which is
cause
Add an article
the cause
a cause
show examples
 of earthquake and
soil
 erosion. A shocking survey
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
conducted by BBC a leading newspaper channel
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 America revealed that 60% of earthquakes in Japan
due to
 over-mining. There are no qualms that there are many solutions to tackle these
problems
. Perhaps the best way to deal with it is more
usage
Replace the word
use
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
renewable sources
instead
 of
non-renewable
Correct pronoun usage
non-renewable ones
show examples
. The government had
better-spread
Correct your spelling
better spread
show examples
 awareness among the public to use renewable
energy
. There should be subsidies for renewable
energy
 plants.
Apart from
this
 , authorities ought to promote carpooling for daily commuters by giving them rewards. Individuals should
also
 start saving
energy
 through small efforts
such
 should
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
bi-cycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bi-cycles
show examples
instead
 of bikes for shorter distances.
Moreover
, it
had
Verb problem
is
show examples
 better to use solar
energy
 panels for domestic consumption.
To conclude
, the problem of depletion of natural
resources
 is sensible and causes not only
for of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
water
 ,
soil
 and
water
 pollution
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
show examples
 of natural disasters.
However
,
problems
 can be tackled if awareness is taken into consideration by the government and individuals.
Submitted by parminderbitti3 on

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introduction/conclusion structure
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the structure of the essay, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
logical structure and cohesion
Organize ideas logically, using paragraphs to separate different points, and connect them with a range of cohesive devices (linking words, pronouns, etc.) appropriately.
supported main points and examples
Develop main points with specific, relevant examples and explanations. Each main point should be elaborated on thoroughly.
paragraph coherence and unity
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central theme, which is then expanded with relevant ideas and examples.
vocabulary range
Use a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and demonstrate lexical resource.
grammatical accuracy
Work on grammatical accuracy. Ensure subject-verb agreement, proper sentence structures, and the correct use of words.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, providing a consistent and complete response to the question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • non-renewable resources
  • economic instability
  • water shortages
  • agricultural production
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • global warming
  • sustainable management
  • conservation
  • alternative energy
  • afforestation
  • reforestation
  • water conservation
  • responsible consumption
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