IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

15. You’re interested in a music course that you saw on an advertisement. Write a letter to the club. In your letter, you should: - explain why you’re interested - request more information about the course - talk about your past experiences.

#you’re #music #course #advertisement #club #request #information #experiences
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Dear Sir , I am writing
this
 letter because I have seen an advertisement regarding
music
Correct article usage
a music
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 course in the newspapers as I am fond of
music
 and I want to join your club .
Music
 always captivates me and
also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 a source of entertainment and knowledge which really
enchances
Correct your spelling
enhances
enhanced
 my skills .
Moreover
, different
geners
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genres
genes
genders
 have
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an enormous
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enormous
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an enormous
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 impact on
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apply
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the
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apply
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mental health that really gives me soothing effects
hence
 , I can concentrate on my work . I would like to know about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
which types of classes are available , schedules and
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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for
Change preposition
apply
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per class
this
 way, I can manage my other duties to join your prestige club in order to upsurge my talent in
the
Change the word
my
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music
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
.
In addition
, I am currently studying folk
music
from
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at
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 Punjab University and my father
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
 teaches me different rhythms at home .
Furthermore
, to polish my skills and achieve the highest in the same stream is my primary goal. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Submitted by Kaurharvinder2984 on

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greeting and closing
Use appropriate salutations and closings in a letter, such as 'Dear [Title] [Name],' and 'Yours faithfully,' or 'Yours sincerely,' followed by your full name.
logical structure
Be sure to organize your letter into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea, and use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas effectively.
complete response
Fully address all bullet points mentioned in the task. State your reasons for interest, ask for specific information about the course, and explain your relevant past experiences in separate paragraphs.
suitable writing tone
The letter should be formal or semi-formal depending on the context. Use a tone that is appropriate for writing to a club, which is typically semi-formal.
grammar and accuracy
Try to avoid grammatical errors by reviewing the basic rules and practice writing complex sentences accurately. Also, make sure to spell check and avoid repetitive words or phrases.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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