Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Certain undergraduate students attempt to gain diverse knowledge on multiple streams
while
the rest believe specialization in
one
aspect makes them more qualified. In my opinion, studying hard in
one
field can lead to
job
insecurity, and working more than
one
stream would produce more work opportunities and create more entrepreneurship.
Therefore
, in my conviction, quallifcating different subjects would make a better future for students. To commence with, cramming on a single speciality would make people more frustrated in searching for
job
opportunities because if the
job
market is already saturated in that field or if it's
a
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an
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outdated subject to the modern
job
market person may
rejected
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reject
be rejected
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leading to
mentalliy
Correct your spelling
mentally
unstabalizing
Correct your spelling
stabilizing
destabilizing
the individual.
For example
,
according to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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research done by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
of Peradeniya Science Faculty student group, around 60 Art graduates, who specialized in
one
subject attempted suicide between the years 2000-2010 with death rates of 2 per year.
Hence
, I strongly believe career insecurity is a huge problem when specialising in a specific field.
On the other hand
,
multifield
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the multifield
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ability would lead a person into a bigger arena of the
job
market ,and it opened the doors of
enterpreneurship
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurship
. Most private sector employers seek employees with multitasking abilities with vast expertise
of
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in
show examples
different
discplines
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disciplines
, and other than that if somebody wants to be good at business
that
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apply
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he must
have to
Verb problem
apply
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have spread his business in different fields to withstand failure in
one
aspect.
For instance
, Elon Musk used his success in his electric car company for the failures in his Space X company.
Hence
, again I strongly argue that long-spread insight is the key to success in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life. In conclusion, gathering education
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
show examples
with a specific area would lead to place individuals in
uncertarnity
Correct your spelling
uncertainty
and frustration , and
wide spread
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widespread
show examples
knowledge gathering in undergraduate life would create a successful carrier for the most individual.
Hence
,
this
writer
is in
Verb problem
apply
show examples
strongly
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
that university students want to learn about
other
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
subjects, other than their main subject.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure throughout the essay. Use transitional phrases to smoothly move from one point to the next, ensuring that the logical flow of the essay is maintained.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include both an introduction and conclusion. These should effectively introduce the topic and summarize the main points, respectively. The conclusion in particular should clearly reflect your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support main points with clear examples, facts, or reasons. While broad statements contribute to the discussion, concrete examples make your arguments more convincing and are necessary for a higher score.
Task Achievement
Ensure you respond completely to the task, including all parts of the prompt in your discussion. Your response should be balanced, discussing both views before presenting your own opinion.
Task Achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas for each position before expressing your own viewpoint. This strengthens the task response by demonstrating a thorough understanding of the perspectives.
Task Achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support each point. Your essay included a pertinent example, but incorporating more would strengthen its persuasiveness and provide a more comprehensive argument.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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