IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #fun #tool #videos #effect
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Whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
games
 are harmful who play them or have a good effect on
people
 is a controversial issue. From my point of view,
although
, it may have some positive effect on hobbies as an education tool, its negative effects are more dangerous for
people
 and children.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the one hand,
video
games
 are fun hobbies for different ages.
These day
Change the determiner
This day
These days
show examples
 and age,
video
games
 are played a lot in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 leisure time which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
gamer
Fix the agreement mistake
gamers
show examples
 happy and
teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
show examples
 many things to them. On the other,
video
games
 can prevent young
people
 from dangerous activities that
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 them to hurt
them selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
 like driving, climbing,
skiing
Correct word choice
and skiing
show examples
. It provides a situation
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 they can stay at home because it is user-friendly and accessible.
In addition
, many
games
 are created for
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
educational and
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
porpoises
Correct your spelling
purposes
show examples
.
For example
, who
people
 want to learn and improve
speaking
Correct pronoun usage
their speaking
show examples
other
Change preposition
of other
show examples
 languages can buy some
games
 that the locals speak accentually
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 those countries. By
invention
Replace the word
inventing
show examples
 VR
games
,
this
 time
people
 had more movement in their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
.It
use
Wrong verb form
is used
show examples
 for practicing dance, creating 3D materialize of
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 and so on which can improve the
respond
Replace the word
response
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the brains
show examples
brains
Change the noun form
brain
show examples
 speed and creativity.
In contrast
, playing
video
games
 has a bad impact on aspects of health conditions which are really dangerous for
audience
Add an article
the audience
an audience
show examples
. Many
scientist
Change to a plural noun
scientists
show examples
 claim that
video
games
 are the main
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
 of obesity, and they are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
 and
brains
Fix the agreement mistake
brain
show examples
 which can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
 to be weak, and
also
 spending endless hours on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 can change your notion and manner. Many
games
 are
lunched
Correct your spelling
launched
show examples
 for negative
porpoises
Correct your spelling
purposes
show examples
 like violence, pornography, anti-humanism, anti-blackness, historical context and stereotypes which hurt audiences’
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
. It leads them to do dangerous things because it
makes
Verb problem
creates
show examples
 bad notions and lifestyles. Young
people
 tend to be like the characters of those
video
games
.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 they kill, steal and rape which is built
an
Change preposition
into an
show examples
 unsafe community with a high crime rate. In conclusion,
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 of
video
games
 are more dangerous than
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 benefits.
Actually
Add a comma
Actually,
show examples
 many countries face big problems of moral norms that
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 from
video
games
. I opine that,
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 good
leaderships
Fix the agreement mistake
leadership
show examples
 in every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
, we can reduce
Correct article usage
the damages
show examples
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 of
video
games
 for
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 generation.
Submitted by dayansabet on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your opinion is clearly stated and directly addresses the question posed. Expand upon your arguments with more specific examples and analyses to demonstrate a well-considered response. Additionally, make sure all parts of the task are addressed equally to demonstrate balance in your viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Focus on the development of ideas with clear topic sentences and better organization of paragraphs. Ideas should flow logically from one to another, using a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to aid in the cohesion of the essay.
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