IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

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Whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are harmful who play them or have a good effect on
people
Use synonyms
 is a controversial issue. From my point of view,
although
Linking Words
, it may have some positive effect on hobbies as an education tool, its negative effects are more dangerous for
people
Use synonyms
 and children.
One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the one hand,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are fun hobbies for different ages.
These day
Change the determiner
This day
These days
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 and age,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are played a lot in
the
Change the word
their
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 leisure time which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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gamer
Fix the agreement mistake
gamers
show examples
 happy and
teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
show examples
 many things to them. On the other,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can prevent young
people
Use synonyms
 from dangerous activities that
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 them to hurt
them selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
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 like driving, climbing,
skiing
Correct word choice
and skiing
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. It provides a situation
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 they can stay at home because it is user-friendly and accessible.
In addition
Linking Words
, many
games
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 are created for
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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educational and
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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porpoises
Correct your spelling
purposes
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.
For example
Linking Words
, who
people
Use synonyms
 want to learn and improve
speaking
Correct pronoun usage
their speaking
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other
Change preposition
of other
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 languages can buy some
games
Use synonyms
 that the locals speak accentually
of
Change preposition
in
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 those countries. By
invention
Replace the word
inventing
show examples
 VR
games
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,
this
Linking Words
 time
people
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 had more movement in their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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.It
use
Wrong verb form
is used
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 for practicing dance, creating 3D materialize of
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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 and so on which can improve the
respond
Replace the word
response
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the brains
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brains
Change the noun form
brain
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 speed and creativity.
In contrast
Linking Words
, playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 has a bad impact on aspects of health conditions which are really dangerous for
audience
Add an article
the audience
an audience
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. Many
scientist
Change to a plural noun
scientists
show examples
 claim that
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are the main
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
 of obesity, and they are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
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 and
brains
Fix the agreement mistake
brain
show examples
 which can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
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 to be weak, and
also
Linking Words
 spending endless hours on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 can change your notion and manner. Many
games
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 are
lunched
Correct your spelling
launched
show examples
 for negative
porpoises
Correct your spelling
purposes
show examples
 like violence, pornography, anti-humanism, anti-blackness, historical context and stereotypes which hurt audiences’
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
. It leads them to do dangerous things because it
makes
Verb problem
creates
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 bad notions and lifestyles. Young
people
Use synonyms
 tend to be like the characters of those
video
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games
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.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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 they kill, steal and rape which is built
an
Change preposition
into an
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 unsafe community with a high crime rate. In conclusion,
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 of
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are more dangerous than
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 benefits.
Actually
Add a comma
Actually,
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 many countries face big problems of moral norms that
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 from
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. I opine that,
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 good
leaderships
Fix the agreement mistake
leadership
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 in every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
, we can reduce
Correct article usage
the damages
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damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 of
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 for
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 generation.

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your opinion is clearly stated and directly addresses the question posed. Expand upon your arguments with more specific examples and analyses to demonstrate a well-considered response. Additionally, make sure all parts of the task are addressed equally to demonstrate balance in your viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Focus on the development of ideas with clear topic sentences and better organization of paragraphs. Ideas should flow logically from one to another, using a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to aid in the cohesion of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • strategic thinking
  • multiplayer games
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • collaboration
  • interactive learning
  • gaming addiction
  • academic performance
  • violence desensitization
  • aggressive behavior
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • health issues
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