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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1994 to 2001. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1994 to 2001. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph demonstrates how many
billion
Use synonyms
 minutes the UK citizens devoted to making phone calls
via
Change preposition
in
show examples
 three different ways over a seven-year period between 1994 and 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that
although
Linking Words
 both the mobile calls and national and international - fixed
line
Use synonyms
 calls witnessed a significant rise throughout the period in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
question, local - fixed
line
Use synonyms
 calls fell back to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 starting point after a gradual increase. As can be seen, in 1994 the local - fixed
line
Use synonyms
 calls were responsible for the major part of phone calls at 70
billion
Use synonyms
 minutes,
however
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobiles were the least popular among the residents,
in other
Linking Words
words
Add a comma
words,
show examples
 they were used about 3
billion
Use synonyms
minuets
Correct your spelling
minutes
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
in1998
Change preposition
in in1998
show examples
 the use of three types of calls climbed to different extents, the local -
fixed
Correct your spelling
-fixed
line
Use synonyms
 peaked at 90
billion
Use synonyms
 and the national and international -
fixed
Correct your spelling
-fixed
line
Use synonyms
 rose steadily to 50.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, the counts for
mobiles
Change the noun form
mobile
show examples
 calls were almost
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
show examples
 of the local - fixed lines in 1998. Another important fact is that after 1998 both the mobiles and the national and international -fixed lines grew
thus
Linking Words
, they soared to around 45 and 60
billion
Use synonyms
 minutes respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the figures for
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 - fixed
line
Use synonyms
 dropped to 70.
Also
Linking Words
, by the end of the studied
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 the degree of differences between the three categories shrank.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words billion, line with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • total number of minutes
  • telephone calls
  • categories
  • local – fixed line
  • national and international – fixed line
  • mobiles
  • general trend
  • yearly totals
  • significant changes
  • milestones
  • data
  • rise significantly
  • decline
  • steady increase
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • exponential growth
  • over the period
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