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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram below shows how glass is recycled. The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950

The diagram below shows how glass is recycled. The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950
#glass #diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction
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The diagram illustrates the life cycle of
glass
Use synonyms
 and plastic
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
being recycled.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
 requires five steps to
produces
Wrong verb form
produce
show examples
 a new
product
Use synonyms
 and the collection of recycling products takes five to ten days before transport to
recycling
Add an article
the recycling
a recycling
show examples
 centre.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in
recycling
Correct article usage
the recycling
show examples
 centre, both materials which are plastic and
glass
Use synonyms
 need to be sorted before
procced
Correct your spelling
proceed
show examples
 to
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 step.Colour coding is being used to
sorting
Wrong verb form
sort
show examples
 out the
glass
Use synonyms
 before crushing
into
Correct pronoun usage
it into
show examples
 dust.Meanwhile,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plastic is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sorted by its thickness and quality before being
bundling
Wrong verb form
bundled
show examples
 into a big block and shredded into a small piece.Next,after a result of
crushing
Correct article usage
the crushing
show examples
 and shredding
process
Use synonyms
, the materials
Linking Words
then
Add a missing verb
are then
show examples
 being
procced
Verb problem
processed
show examples
 to
washing
Add an article
the washing
show examples
process
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the materials are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
put inside the machine for
melting
Correct article usage
the melting
show examples
 and reshaping
process
Use synonyms
 to
produces
Wrong verb form
produce
show examples
 a new
product
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, only the
glass
Use synonyms
 material
product
Use synonyms
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 two different
machine
Change to a plural noun
machines
show examples
 for
melting
Correct article usage
the melting
show examples
 and reshaping
process
Use synonyms
.The estimated recycling
product
Use synonyms
 will
lasting
Change the verb form
last
be lasting
show examples
 for three to eight weeks.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words glass, process, product with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recycle, recycling center, environmental conservation, sustainability
  • cullet, impurities, contaminants, furnace, melting point
  • molding, blowing, quality control, standards, safety requirements
  • infrastructure, structural modifications, technological advancements
  • learning spaces, repurposed, computer labs, smartboards
  • landscaping, playgrounds, historical significance, societal values
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