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Band 4.5

Some university students wan to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for qualification.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
Nowadays, some
people
 who study in some universities learn some
subjects
in addition
 to
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 main
subjects
 in their free
time
.
However
, others believe that both spending
time
 and giving attention to studying for a
qualification
. On the one hand, some
people
 think that learning some different
subjects
in addition
 to their main
subjects
 is not only
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier but
also
 interesting because they are in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
full-
time
 learning all day
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 have no
time
 to be bored.
Secondly
, they always find
this
 idea is very useful because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they can know more information in their
subjects
 which are addition
such
 as they can learn some new languages
as a result
these knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
this knowledge
show examples
 can open new doors for their future life.
On the other hand
, others prefer to give their full
time
 to learn for
qualification
Add an article
the qualification
show examples
 because they think that we may forget all things or previous themes we studied in our main subject, if we study a lot of
subjects
 at the same
time
 but in
leaning
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
 for
qualification
, we cannot forget them because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
 can forget nothing if they do
this
 again and again rather than repeat a lot of
time
.
Secondly
, in my opinion, they can do their all work with
time
-management at
time
Add an article
a time
the time
show examples
 because, all of their work
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 got
schedule
Add an article
a schedule
the schedule
show examples
, and they may have some
time
 to do something because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 their subject has not
any
Add a missing verb
have any
show examples
 requirements to repeat their work. In conclusion,
although
 there are a lot of
people
 who accept
this
 idea, in my opinion, we should pay our full attention to studying for
qualification
 because we may forget all
things
Correct article usage
the things
show examples
 which we have learnt but we can maintain our
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
.
Submitted by Azizbek on

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task response
Ensure a clear thesis statement is present in the introduction to outline the main points that will be discussed.
task response
Work on expanding and supporting main points with relevant examples and further explanation to enhance task response.
coherence cohesion
Introduce clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader and improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve cohesion and coherence between sentences and ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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