Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobsfor personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Today it is
common
Add an article
a common
show examples
belief that there are some
requierments
Correct your spelling
requirements
to mention
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
private
information
when applying for
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
whilst some think that it is not
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
. I firmly believe that it is totally appropriate for employers to be aware of
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
characteristics of their employees. Both views will be discussed in
this
essay. On the one hand, every
potentional
Correct your spelling
potential
worker has own
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
to protect private
life
and to keep certain
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of
information
confidentially
Change the word
confidential
show examples
. There are some considerable reasons
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct word choice
why
show examples
individuals prefer not to share about their maternal status,
for instance
.
Furthermore
, it should be emphasized that some individuals can be with
introversial
Correct your spelling
controversial
introversion
traits of character, who find
Correct pronoun usage
it unneccessary
show examples
unneccessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
to declare their hobbies and interests. To give
illustration
Add an article
an illustration
show examples
, there are
numereous
Correct your spelling
numerous
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
personalities, who keep their personal
life
private and lead
confidentional
Correct your spelling
confidential
conventional
lifestyle.
On the other hand
, one should not forget that every organization should be aware of additional
information
about their employees in case of accidents and it is significant for both sides, especially in safety
procautions
Correct your spelling
precautions
.
Moreover
, some
information
about hobbies and interests can play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
role in
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
life
of workers within their organization.
Besides
, it is a great opportunity for workers to make friends based on common interests and hobbies and even to involve family members in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social events in the framework of
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
.
In addition
, there are some
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of jobs
such
as related to
Correct article usage
the miliitary
show examples
miliitary
Correct your spelling
military
or media, which might require to move to
another locations
Replace the adjective
another location
other locations
show examples
and in
such
cases single workers are welcomed more. It may be concluded from
this
essay, that despite the fact that every worker owns rights
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
private
life
, it is much more crucial to mention additional personal
information
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when enrolling
a
Change preposition
on a
show examples
new job
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
outwheigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
in
this
given topic.
Submitted by kassymov_99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Improvement
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on it. While your introduction outlines the discussion, it could be more explicitly stated.
Coherence Improvement
Improve coherence by linking ideas more effectively using a range of cohesive devices. While your essay has structure, transitions between points could be smoother for enhanced readability.
Support Points
Develop your main points with more detailed examples. While you mention some reasons and consequences, providing specific, real-life instances can strengthen your argument.
Conclusion Improvement
Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. Your conclusion does wrap up the essay, but refining it to more clearly reflect the essay's content and your viewpoint can make your argument more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural fit
  • team dynamics
  • company culture
  • integration
  • professional setting
  • leadership potential
  • personal commitments
  • discrimination
  • bias
  • professional abilities
  • qualifications
  • privacy invasion
  • negative perception
  • top talent
  • unconscious bias
  • legal liabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!