Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobsfor personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Today it is
common
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a common
show examples
belief that there are some
requierments
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requirements
to mention
about
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apply
show examples
private
information
when applying for
job
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the job
a job
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whilst some think that it is not
neccessary
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necessary
. I firmly believe that it is totally appropriate for employers to be aware of
social
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the social
show examples
characteristics of their employees. Both views will be discussed in
this
essay. On the one hand, every
potentional
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potential
worker has own
rights
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right
show examples
to protect private
life
and to keep certain
kind
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kinds
show examples
of
information
confidentially
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confidential
show examples
. There are some considerable reasons
by
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apply
show examples
which
Correct word choice
why
show examples
individuals prefer not to share about their maternal status,
for instance
.
Furthermore
, it should be emphasized that some individuals can be with
introversial
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controversial
introversion
traits of character, who find
Correct pronoun usage
it unneccessary
show examples
unneccessary
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unnecessary
to declare their hobbies and interests. To give
illustration
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an illustration
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, there are
numereous
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numerous
successfull
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successful
personalities, who keep their personal
life
private and lead
confidentional
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confidential
conventional
lifestyle.
On the other hand
, one should not forget that every organization should be aware of additional
information
about their employees in case of accidents and it is significant for both sides, especially in safety
procautions
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precautions
.
Moreover
, some
information
about hobbies and interests can play
crucial
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a crucial
show examples
role in
social
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the social
show examples
life
of workers within their organization.
Besides
, it is a great opportunity for workers to make friends based on common interests and hobbies and even to involve family members in
the
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apply
show examples
social events in the framework of
workplace
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the workplace
show examples
.
In addition
, there are some
kind
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kinds
show examples
of jobs
such
as related to
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the miliitary
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miliitary
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military
or media, which might require to move to
another locations
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another location
other locations
show examples
and in
such
cases single workers are welcomed more. It may be concluded from
this
essay, that despite the fact that every worker owns rights
for
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to
show examples
private
life
, it is much more crucial to mention additional personal
information
,
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apply
show examples
when enrolling
a
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on a
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new job
,
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apply
show examples
because
benefits
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the benefits
show examples
outwheigh
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outweigh
drawbacks
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the drawbacks
show examples
in
this
given topic.
Submitted by kassymov_99 on

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Introduction Improvement
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on it. While your introduction outlines the discussion, it could be more explicitly stated.
Coherence Improvement
Improve coherence by linking ideas more effectively using a range of cohesive devices. While your essay has structure, transitions between points could be smoother for enhanced readability.
Support Points
Develop your main points with more detailed examples. While you mention some reasons and consequences, providing specific, real-life instances can strengthen your argument.
Conclusion Improvement
Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. Your conclusion does wrap up the essay, but refining it to more clearly reflect the essay's content and your viewpoint can make your argument more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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