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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the Earth. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins)

The diagram below shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the Earth. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins)
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This
Linking Words
 graph is the
water
Use synonyms
 cycle which is the continuous movement of
water
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. The
water
Use synonyms
 movement starts in the oceans and ends by the
water
Use synonyms
drop
Correct subject-verb agreement
drops
show examples
 to
rain
Use synonyms
. It has many mechanisms to produce
rain
Use synonyms
 that I will describe below.
First,
Linking Words
it starts
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the sun rising and shining
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the earth. After that power of the sun produces heat that transfers to the surface of
Use synonyms
water
Add an article
the water
show examples
, in
this
Linking Words
 picture refers to the ocean.
Water
Use synonyms
 is evaporated by heat and vapour
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the air. It is 80% of
water
Use synonyms
 vapours to the air from oceans.
Then
Linking Words
Use synonyms
water
Add an article
the water
show examples
 that vapours
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the air condenses itself to make
cloud
Use synonyms
 formation. The
cloud
Use synonyms
 is small but when the day passes, many clouds join together to form a big
cloud
Use synonyms
. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the big
cloud
Use synonyms
 faces cold weather that makes it
rain
Use synonyms
. The
rain
Use synonyms
 falls to the mountain and
runoff
Correct your spelling
runs off
show examples
 surface groundwater through the ocean again. Some
rain
Use synonyms
 is not back to the ocean, it is still in some places that have different heights of the ground level and
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 some lakes to
these
Change the determiner
this plac
show examples
plac
Correct your spelling
places

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, rain, cloud with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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