IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart illustrates the amount of money spent on five consumer goods (cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras) in France and the UK in 2010. Units are measured in pounds sterling. Write about it in 150 words.

The chart illustrates the amount of money spent on five consumer goods (cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras) in France and the UK in 2010. Units are measured in pounds sterling. Write about it in 150 words.
#amount #money #five #consumer #goods #cars #computers #books #perfume #cameras #france #uk #units #pounds
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The
below-provided
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
chart
delineates
Change preposition
below delineates
show examples
 the amount of money spent on cars, computers, books, cameras and perfume in 2010 in
France
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
Overall
Linking Words
, it is readily apparent that the people in the
UK
Use synonyms
 have spent more money generally
while
Linking Words
 on the two products (perfume and computers) French people's expenditures are higher.
Firstly
Linking Words
, just over 450,000 pounds have been dedicated
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 cars in England and it is about 50,000 more than the same goods in
France
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 difference reduced in amount of buying computers, which was around 375,000 and 350,000 in
France
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 numbers in the chart reveal the squandered money on perfume in 2010 was under 200,00 for both countries. There are two significant differences between these two countries,
that is
Linking Words
 in consuming cameras ,which in the
UK
Use synonyms
 was 350,000 whilst in
France
Use synonyms
 was just 150,000.
As well as
Linking Words
 books,
this
Linking Words
 ware was more favoured throughout British crowd than
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
, precisely, the British
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent 100,000 pounds on books more than
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
.
Submitted by amirhossein7179 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words france, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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