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Writing Samples /
Band 5

You have just invited your friend to great bank opening. Write a letter to your friend. In this letter Host information Guest of honor Directions

#friend #bank #host #information #guest #honor #directions
Dear Murod It would be an
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
 if you could join us for the grand opening of my
father
's royal bank. My
father
 and I would be delighted if you could be the one to cut the ribbon on our bank door. Unfortunately, yesterday, when you didn't arrive, I witnessed my
father
 taking the stage and commencing his speech. He began by sharing that
this
 journey started long before my birth. The turning point came when he saw a Lamborghini Gallardo in a friend's garage. Intrigued, he asked just two questions: how to earn it and what is his job. he
answers
Wrong verb form
answered
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 calmly, I am
Add an article
a
show examples
financial advisor. From that moment, my
father
 underwent a transformative experience, much like updating a phone. Let's delve into the details of the celebration. In my opinion, it should be attended by bankers from all over the world, including the remarkable Warren Buffett. One of Mr. Buffett's admirable traits is his simplicity; he always wears plain shoes, even though his home is modest. The upcoming night promises to be fantastic. I suggest avoiding extravagant
jewelry
Change the spelling
jewellery
show examples
 or bright clothing, as the majority of my
father
's audience is over fifty years old and prefers a more traditional attire, like your wedding suit. I must inform you that the grand opening is scheduled for 9 pm tomorrow. If
this
 letter reaches you by 5 pm today, please plan to arrive earlier tomorrow afternoon.
This
 detail is crucial, and I wanted to ensure you were aware. We moved
last
 year
due to
 financial challenges and now reside next to the library, opposite the main street.
Nevertheless
, never forget one thing—We look forward to celebrating
this
 special occasion with you. Yours sincerely Joxa
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure the letter addresses all the points specified in the prompt explicitly. Your letter appears to diverge from the details requested, focusing on anecdotal information rather than directly providing host information, guest of honor details, and directions to the event.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, logically organize your paragraphs to flow smoothly from one idea to the next. Begin paragraphs with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea followed by supporting sentences. You may also include a brief conclusion to summarize the key points or reiterate the invitation.
Coherence and Cohesion
To refine your greeting and closing, maintain consistency in formality throughout your letter. Your opening and closing are appropriately formal, but ensure that the body of your letter maintains the same level of formality.
Task Achievement
Simplify and clarify your explanations regarding the guest of honor and the directions. Provide clear, straightforward details that directly respond to the letter prompt without additional, unrelated anecdotes.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 150 words in writing task 1. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long letter will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 160 to 190 words in writing task 1. This will ensure a concise letter and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 20 minutes to write the letter and you need around 5 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long letter in 15 minutes.

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