IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the pie charts below shop the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

the pie charts below shop the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#shop #sales #sectors #zealand #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 two diagrams identify the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online sales in certain items comparing among 2003 and 2013.
Firstly
Linking Words
, travel
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 the most
elements
Fix the agreement mistake
element
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
consumed in New Zealand in 2003
while
Linking Words
 clothes
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 purchased by the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 country in 2013.
This
Linking Words
 is a logical
results
Change the noun form
result
show examples
 because the majority of travel agencies in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 and present are doing their work through
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
raised
Correct article usage
a raised
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of individuals
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 their wearing from
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 in 2013 , consider
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 outcomes for
used
Change the form of the verb
using
show examples
 the technologies in
marketing
Add an article
the marketing
show examples
 field. What is more,
flim
Correct your spelling
film
 and music in 2003
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 used by 21% of the New Zealand
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in 2013 are used by 33% .
However
Linking Words
, as I mentioned previously the spread of technologies in recent years led to
jump
Correct article usage
a jump
show examples
 figures of
people
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 online shopping.
In addition
Linking Words
, more and more production companies exercise their activities completely through networks.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, books are drained by 19% of New Zealand
people
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 percentage dropped to 22% in 2013. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 the new technologies led to
emergency
Correct article usage
an emergency
show examples
 of rare books which are reason for
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of purchases books.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail sectors
  • online shopping sales
  • percentage increase/decrease
  • significant growth/decline
  • electronic goods
  • clothing and footwear
  • food and beverages
  • household goods
  • recreational goods
  • stable sales
  • emerging sectors
  • overall growth
  • decade comparison
  • shift in consumer behavior
  • e-commerce
  • trend analysis
  • market dynamics
  • purchasing habits
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