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Band 5.5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in town and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

#growth #shops #town #cities
In recent years,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of online shopping will
one
day
 cause all
shops
 in cities and towns to ultimately. I tend to disagree with the essay because many
people
 want to try and see products and another point is that some
people
 work in
shops
 and earn money. A good reason for online shopping may
one
day
 motivate
shops
 in towns and cities to close,
while
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 I do not think so because many
people
 still prefer to shop in person and they should see products before purchasing.
For instance
, they want to try including clothes before buying them.
On the other hand
, going shopping is an interesting hobby for some
people
 and they think going shopping and walking in department stores or malls with their family or friends is hilarious. Another point to consider is that online shopping has become increasingly popular and it might
one
day
 lead to each and every shop in cities and towns closing.
Next,
many
people
 work and earn money in
shops
 all over the country and I think it is good for them and the government because when
one
day
 all
shops
 in a town close they become unemployed and the government should think and help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them in
this
 case, the government create job positions for unemployed
people
. All in all, I strongly disagree that the growth of online shopping may
one
day
 cause every shop to close because many
people
 should check products and try on clothes and a second point is that when
one
day
 all
shops
 close some
people
are
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 unemployed.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Task Achievement
Your essay should have a clearer and more structured introduction. It's crucial to directly address the task and state your opinion explicitly in the introduction.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples and explanations. While you have provided some examples, elaborating more on how they support your argument will enhance your task achievement score.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure your essay follows a logical structure. This includes clear paragraphing, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point related to your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the cohesion of your essay by using a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas both within and between paragraphs. This makes your argument easier to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your viewpoint. This will make your essay more cohesive and complete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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