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Band 3

Nowadays, more people away from their friends and families for work. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #friends #families #work
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
 time.small peoples
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 far from their friends and
parents
 to work,living far away from your family can may have
a small disadvantages
Correct the article-noun agreement
small disadvantages
a small disadvantage
show examples
 but for
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
 it has more advantages
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages,to go to another
place
 from the
place
 you lived before is a hard feeling but it’s better for you because
your
Change the pronoun
you
show examples
 completely see
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new things when a new experience and
this
 will make you more independent in your life. It’s good for people to go
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
new
place
 far from their family because
this
 helps you to help yourself more and makes you think better and better ,but
also
your
Correct your spelling
you are
show examples
 always in a bad mood, confident and sad because
your
Replace the word
you're
you are
show examples
 not near
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your close people,but
this
 will help you to choose which one is the real friend and which one is the fake because the real friend will ask and he will never forget you. When the daughter or the son
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 far from their
parents
 their
parents
 always are sad because their children
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
near
Correct your spelling
hear
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them,but
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
always when they remember that your going
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
far
place
 to study
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
or to work they feel good because always your
parents
 want you to be the best one in the world
Lastly
,I think the idea
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 going far away to work ,or to study is a good idea and it has more cons than pros.
Submitted by Mido  on

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task achievement
Elaborate on your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your thoughts more logically. Consider using a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Work on your sentence structure and grammar to make your writing clearer and more professional. Additionally, using transition words can help to link your ideas more smoothly.
formality
Edit your essay for grammatical errors and use a more formal style. Avoid colloquial language and make sure your sentences are complete and correctly punctuated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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