IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The Chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed men and women of different employment status. Write at least 150 words.

The Chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed men and women of different employment status. Write at least 150 words.
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status
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The bar chart depicts the amount of
hours
Use synonyms
 men and
women
Use synonyms
 who enjoyed leisure
time
Use synonyms
 in different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of employment status from 1998 to 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 of free
time
Use synonyms
 was dominated by people who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 unemployed and retired either they were males or females,
while
Linking Words
employed
Correct pronoun usage
those employed
show examples
 full
time
Use synonyms
 got the opposite. Looking in more detail, there were men and
women
Use synonyms
 who were unemployed and retired respectively have the same amount of free
time
Use synonyms
 around 70
hours
Use synonyms
 and 80
hours
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, people who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 the busiest people in the world.
For instance
Linking Words
, men who
worked
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 full
time
Use synonyms
 only have just under 50
hours
Use synonyms
 a year of leisure
time
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 only have well under 40
hours
Use synonyms
 of free
time
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the least of all
due to
Linking Words
 their job and
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
show examples
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
. Meanwhile, there were only females who worked as a
part timer
Add a hyphen
part-timer
show examples
 and as
a housewives
Correct the article-noun agreement
a housewife
housewives
show examples
. Part
timer
Correct your spelling
part-timer
show examples
 was a person who worked less
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 full
timer
Correct your spelling
full-timer
show examples
 has about 40
hours
Use synonyms
 of leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
housewives was
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 who
manage
Wrong verb form
managed
show examples
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as cooking, cleaning and taking care of children has approximately 50
hours
Use synonyms
 of free
time
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Dedeways244 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, women, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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