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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The Chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed men and women of different employment status. Write at least 150 words.

The Chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed men and women of different employment status. Write at least 150 words.
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status
The bar chart depicts the amount of
hours
 men and
women
 who enjoyed leisure
time
 in different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of employment status from 1998 to 1999.
Overall
, the number of
hours
 of free
time
 was dominated by people who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 unemployed and retired either they were males or females,
while
employed
Correct pronoun usage
those employed
show examples
 full
time
 got the opposite. Looking in more detail, there were men and
women
 who were unemployed and retired respectively have the same amount of free
time
 around 70
hours
 and 80
hours
.
On the contrary
, people who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 the busiest people in the world.
For instance
, men who
worked
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 full
time
 only have just under 50
hours
 a year of leisure
time
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
women
 only have well under 40
hours
 of free
time
.
Hence
,
women
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the least of all
due to
 their job and
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
show examples
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
. Meanwhile, there were only females who worked as a
part timer
Add a hyphen
part-timer
show examples
 and as
a housewives
Correct the article-noun agreement
a housewife
housewives
show examples
. Part
timer
Correct your spelling
part-timer
show examples
 was a person who worked less
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 full
timer
Correct your spelling
full-timer
show examples
 has about 40
hours
 of leisure
time
.
Next,
housewives was
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
women
 who
manage
Wrong verb form
managed
show examples
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
such
 as cooking, cleaning and taking care of children has approximately 50
hours
 of free
time
.
Submitted by Dedeways244 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, women, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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