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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some organization believe that their employee should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appliance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#organization #employee #dress #value #quality #work #appliance
Whether having an informal code for clothing in a working atmosphere is more valuable than
work
 quality or not is a subject of public debate.
While
 the outcome of employees in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 field of
experties
Correct your spelling
expertise
 is of utmost importance, I will argue that it is vital for everyone
dress
Add the particle
to dress
show examples
 professionally. Defining a dress code, on the one hand, seems to have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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influenced
co-workers
Change noun form
co-workers'
co-worker's
show examples
 relationships in the office profoundly. To clarify, it
is offers
Change the verb form
offers
show examples
 them comfort to start a day at
work
 on account of the fact that they have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of equality based
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
appeariance
Correct your spelling
appearance
.
For instance
,
this
 might boost their
self-steem
Correct your spelling
self-esteem
.
Moreover
, having the basic knowledge about what you
sould
Correct your spelling
should
could
 wear at
work
, they found it more convenient to get ready for upcoming events at
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
such
 as
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
,
confrance
Correct your spelling
conference
conferences
, and to name but a few.
Thus
, it is
benefitial
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beneficial
 for workers
as well as
 authorities in
organization
Add an article
the organization
an organization
show examples
 to have
indicate
Change the verb form
indicated
show examples
 a clothing code.
On the other hand
, there is a widely held view among employees that they have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to decide what to put on and it should be optional.
This
 statement might lead to some misunderstanding about the principles of professional dressing,
likewise
haovic
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chaotic
have
 choice of
clothe
Change the verb form
clothing
show examples
 and optical
plutions
Correct your spelling
solutions
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
 factor does not affect people's quality
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
work
, it might be distracting for the
peresence
Correct your spelling
presence
 in that
circumectance
Correct your spelling
circumstance
. In
this
 case,
colleages
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 might value
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 appliance above
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other career goals.
Therefore
,
this
 triggers the
descipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
 in the workplace and workers' concentration. In
cunclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, if
organization
Add an article
the organization
an organization
show examples
 plans for their member's
outfit
Fix the agreement mistake
outfits
show examples
, not only does it help them to be more comfortable and mentally safe but
also
 managers tackle the problems of lack of discipline and
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
 in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 job environment.
Submitted by momenzade.mahna1999 on

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Task Achievement
Work on creating clearer and more comprehensive ideas by thoroughly explaining your points. Make sure to directly address the prompt and ensure each paragraph has a single, clear focus.
Coherence & Cohesion
Integrate a wider variety of sentence structures and transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in achieving a more logically structured and cohesive essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider revising your introduction and conclusion to ensure they are effectively summarizing your views and the content of the essay. This will help in establishing a clear structure and purpose from the beginning.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation for a more polished and professional piece of writing. Frequent errors can distract from the content of your essay and affect its coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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