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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show that post-school qualifications held by Canadians in the age groups 25 to 35 and 45 to 55.

The graphs below show that post-school qualifications held by Canadians in the age groups 25 to 35 and 45 to 55.
The charts show the division of
proffessions amoung
Correct your spelling
professionals among
 Canadian people between the age of 25 to 35 and 45 to 55. The number of students with post-graduate qualifications had approximately doubled in the former group, and the interest in some
majors
Use synonyms
 had changed. There are some
majors
Use synonyms
 which
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 more popular
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the older generation of Canadians. As the graph reveals, engineering was nearly twice
interesting
Rephrase
as interesting
show examples
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
show examples
 citizens.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, there are little increases in occupation
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some
majors
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, humanities and social
sience
Correct your spelling
science
sciences
, arts were 1 percent more.
Also
Linking Words
, there were 4% more of
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 who
prefere
Correct your spelling
preferred
 nursing in the older age groups.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are numerous
majors
Use synonyms
 which experienced
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
growth in the number of attendance in the younger students.
For instance
Linking Words
, the percentage of
proffession
Correct your spelling
profession
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
sience
Correct your spelling
science
, maths, computers and MBA was nearly doubled.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there was a 4% growth in
tendency
Add an article
the tendency
a tendency
show examples
 to administration and
2
Correct article usage
a 2
show examples
% rise in Education jobs.
Overall
Linking Words
, the charts
indecate
Correct your spelling
indicate
 that
sngineering
Correct your spelling
engineering
 and social science and arts were the most popular
proffessions
Correct your spelling
professions
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the popularity dropped in the next generation and
replaced
Add a missing verb
was replaced
show examples
 with MBA and computer science and maths.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words majors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • post-secondary education
  • vocational training
  • bachelor's degree
  • master's degree
  • doctorate
  • diploma
  • certificate
  • professional designation
  • full-time education
  • part-time study
  • apprenticeship
  • continuing education
  • adult learning
  • educational attainment
  • workforce qualifications
  • demographic breakdown
  • socio-economic factors
  • statistical analysis
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