IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Fewer students are studying science at school and university, favouring more computer based subjects instead. Is this a positive or negative development? What are the reasons for this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,students have a large choice in the industries in which they want to be.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,the problem is that some subjects are simply not in demand
due to
Linking Words
 the large number of people engaged in the same field.
However
Linking Words
,I pounder that every person regardless of competition,should be given a chance to demonstrate their abilities and defend their knowledge.
Currently
Add a comma
Currently,
show examples
 more and more people are starting to study
computer
Use synonyms
 subjects,
therefore
Linking Words
 there are fewer and fewer places left to study or work.
According to
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 we can conclude that
science
Use synonyms
 is more promising.
Firstly
Linking Words
, studying
science
Use synonyms
 subjects develops critical thinking and problem-solving skills.
Additionally
Linking Words
, scientific research involves formulating hypotheses,analyzing data, and drawing logical conclusions.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these skills are transferable across a variety of fields and are highly valued in many professions.
Additionally
Linking Words
, many of the Global challenges we face today,
such
Linking Words
 as climate change, energy sustainability and public health crises, require scientific understanding and solutions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by studying
science
Use synonyms
, you can contribute to solving these pressing problems and make a positive impact on a global scale. Despite
this
Linking Words
,
computer
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has its benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as offering a creative outlet for designing and developing new technologies and applications. It
also
Linking Words
 allows you to unleash your creativity in
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 and software development.
Thus
Linking Words
, the ability to bring innovative ideas to life is a rewarding aspect of studying
computer
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,I want to say that it is very
wrongly
Change the word
wrong
show examples
 that there are fewer people choosing
science
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because it is more essential than a
computer
Use synonyms
 subject.
Therefore
Linking Words
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 guess
this
Linking Words
 is a miserable development
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because every subject and every profession must be taken seriously, and if in some area there are few workers and so on,
then
Linking Words
 global problems will begin that will greatly hamper our development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt. Your essay slightly diverts from providing a clear stance on whether the shift towards computer-based subjects is positive or negative. Focus on developing specific arguments to support your viewpoint and ensure that each paragraph contributes to your overall position.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your essay’s coherence by connecting ideas more seamlessly. Use transitions such as 'Moreover', 'In contrast', or 'As a result' to link sentences and paragraphs, maintaining a smooth flow of ideas. This will make your essay more reader-friendly and cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Increase cohesion by developing a clearer structure for your essay. Start with an introduction that clearly states your thesis, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a specific point supporting your thesis, and conclude with a summary that reinforces your main points. This will strengthen the logical progression of your ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: