IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the birth rate, population growth rate and death rate from 1940 until 2020 in Scotland. The three different veriables are measured in percentages

The line graph shows the birth rate, population growth rate and death rate from 1940 until 2020 in Scotland. The three different veriables are measured in percentages
#line #birth #rate #population #growth #death #scotland #three #veriables #percentages
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The graph depicts demographic trends in percentages which
consists
Correct subject-verb agreement
consist
show examples
 of three different categories
such
 as
birth
rate
, population growth
rate
 and death
rate
 in Scotland during 80 years.
Overall
, all the trends had a significant decline.
Birth
Add an article
The birth
show examples
rate
 had
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest
rate
,
while
 the population growth
rate
 got the opposite in 1940 Looking in more detail, the public growth
rate
 was the lowest
rate
 in 1940 approximately just under 1 %.
Then
, many women
birth
 in 1940 at 2,5%
while
 the
ratio
 of death had a level at 1,5%.
However
, in 1955 the
ratio
 of fertility decreased gradually by
half
Add an article
a half
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
while
fatality
Correct article usage
the fatality
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rate
 declined substantially
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 around 0,5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Additionally
, the population
dense
Replace the word
density
show examples
 in Scotland increased
abd
Correct your spelling
and
 surpassed the fatality
rate
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 1,2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Demographic trends in 2000 looked different
due to
 lots of reduction in all variables.
For instance
, the
ratio
 of
fertality
Correct your spelling
fertility
fatality
 dropped dramatically well under 1%,
whereas
 the mortality
rate
Verb problem
apply
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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remained stable
Change preposition
at just
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just
Change preposition
at just
show examples
 under half
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and the public dense
rate
 went down to nearly 0%.
Last
Add a comma
Last,
show examples
 in 2020, the
ratio
 of mortality exceeded the
ratio
 of
birth
.
Submitted by Dedeways244 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, rate, ratio, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • birth rate
  • death rate
  • population growth rate
  • percentage
  • fluctuation
  • trend
  • peak
  • decline
  • stabilize
  • demographic
  • interrelate
  • historical events
  • social policies
  • economic conditions
  • healthcare advancements
  • variable
  • measured
  • decade
  • significant
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