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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
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some
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in
Australia
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 and who were born outside
Australia
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, dwelling in a city, suburb
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 town from 1995 to 2010. The figure gives the proportion of the percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that in 1995,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in outside cities of
Australia
Use synonyms
 there has to be equal in 2010. Looking at the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the decade in 1995, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 living inside of the cities was less than
people
Use synonyms
 who were living outside of the cities by around 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Meanwhile, the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who were dwelling outside of rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
has
Verb problem
is
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 around 40
percent
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, moving to the bar chart
people
Use synonyms
 who
dwelling in
Wrong verb form
dwell
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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outside of towns leaders another char approximately 15
percent
Use synonyms
 Moving to the decade in 2010, it can be seen that
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 were living outside of rural areas in
Australia
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramatically dropped from 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to around 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by suchanya3105 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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