IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts
provides
Change the verb form
provide
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 information about the proportion of
time
Use synonyms
 spent by working people on various activities in one country in 1958 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the major part of these charts belongs to working persons with the tendency of growth over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, a
noticible
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 decline
for
Change preposition
in
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 sleeping activity
shown
Add a missing verb
is shown
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, people started to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on getting relaxed at home. In 1985, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
working
Correct article usage
the working
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 adults category
accounts
Wrong verb form
accounted
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 for 33% and, by 2008, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 increased
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 42%. Other part of the chart like "sleeping" demonstrates a slight decrease from 32% in 1985 to 25% in 2008. Notably, In 2008, a number of people had more spare
time
Use synonyms
 for
relaxesion
Correct your spelling
relaxation
 at home which is illustrated by
fall
Correct article usage
a fall
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with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 8%
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to 12% in 1958. Other categories represent the smaller part of the data where
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
the bigger
show examples
 number of adults started to travel more in 2008 with 8% to 2% in 1958.
However
Linking Words
, going out activity decreased significantly in 2008 compared to 1958 with 6% and 19% respectively.
Submitted by serginio.nick on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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