IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the percentage od Australian men an women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage od Australian men an women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 of different
ages
Use synonyms
 who engaged in regular exercise.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 females' figures increased with age,
while
Linking Words
 the reverse was true for males until middle age and
men
Use synonyms
 saw a lower peak than the corresponding figure for females. Regarding younger
ages
Use synonyms
,
men
Use synonyms
 outnumbered
women
Use synonyms
 in regular exercise activity with 52% and 47.7%, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, males experienced a decline in the middle
ages
Use synonyms
, with just under 40, reaching their lowest rate.
Although
Linking Words
 the figure increased from
ages
Use synonyms
 45 to 65 with a small proportion.
Moreover
Linking Words
, almost all rates were below 50%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, young
women
Use synonyms
 did regular physical activity less than their older counterparts.
However
Linking Words
, the situation changed, when females between 25-54
ages
Use synonyms
 in regular exercise reached their peak at 55%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, at
ages
Use synonyms
 55-64
women
Use synonyms
's promotion
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 again greater than
men
Use synonyms
's by around 8%. Interestingly, the proportion of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 were almost same who were 65 and older with 46% and 47%, respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, ages with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: