IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The following is an essay submitted by one of our students. In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #countries #governments #industries #businesses #move #areas #cities #trend
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There is no denying the fact that the
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
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 of
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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industries and businesses
to move
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moving
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 to regional
areas
 outside the big cities is ubiquitous across the globe
due to
 its importance.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of people are in
favor
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favour
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 of
this
 statement
due to
 its number of merits.
However
, some
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apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people highlight its demerits first. In my
further
 paragraphs,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 and disadvantages of the same will be discussed. Initiating with the benefits of the same, the first and foremost key benefit is that_when industries and businesses
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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move to regional
areas
 outside the big cities It is new
chanse
Correct your spelling
chance
 to use cheap workers .
For example
:- Where have a lot of population and it is not city You have
a
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an
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apportunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to have lower paying workers .Another benefit which can strike the minds of the people
can be
Wrong verb form
is
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 that must be only in big
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
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 because
everithig
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everything
Add a missing verb
is mored
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mored
Correct your spelling
more
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 developed in
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
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 than in regional
areas
 . To cite an example New York , Moscow, Paris ,
Tokio
Correct your spelling
Tokyo
 and others where are more chances to do industries and businesses. On its darker side, some of the drawbacks which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 it problematic are, first It is
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
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 that you want to have
industry
Add an article
an industry
the industry
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 in a big city .
Secondly
, It is
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
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 that you have business in .
For instance
,you Can not have
It
Correct article usage
an It
show examples
 industry in a
rgional
Correct your spelling
regional
areas
. In conclusion to the above statement, neither its pros can be neglected nor its cons. It is a mixed bag of positives and negatives. In my opinion, the statement should not be underestimated.
Submitted by zohrab-gevorgyan on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on clarity and coherence. Ensure that each paragraph revolves around a single main idea, supported by clear, relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on paragraph structure. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by explanation, evidence, and a concluding sentence.
Task Achievement
For a higher score in Task Achievement, make sure your essay directly addresses the question throughout, presenting a clear opinion and corresponding arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve your essay’s logical flow. Use linking words and transitions to connect ideas clearly.
Task Achievement
Enhance your argument with more specific, varied examples. Generic statements should be replaced with detailed, relevant information that supports your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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